Telling Whoppers.

I WAS DRIVING ... PAST HUNGRY JACK'S.

I FELT MY HUNGER ... BURN WITHIN.

I PULLED INTO ... THE DRIVE-THROUGH,

AND ORDERED ARGUABLY THE MOST RIDICULOUS MOVIE TIE-IN PRODUCT ...

EVER!

THE ...

DARK WHOPPER!



The burgers might be better, but the advertising's rubbish! Glory, what were they thinking? When it played before The Dark Knight most of the cinema burst out laughing. That can't be a good sign.

But I guess they're laughing now, aren't they? Because I bought one. I guess I just couldn't help myself. I just had to know. Was the burger made from human flesh, perhaps? Or worse, lamb's fry? Was it somehow, slightly, even remotely, in any way, even conceptually, dark?

No.

Course not! Stupid. It was just a bog-standard hamburger with no discernible difference to any other I've eaten before! I had to go and look up what the differences were and discovered, get this, that it had barbeque sauce instead of ketchup, and no ... PICKLES! Oh, the humanity! Oh, the dark depths of my wicked, inky soul! NO PICKLES! Personally I love pickles, but I understand I'm in a micro-minority. Wouldn't it have been more iniquitous to have packed it with nothing but pickles?! Or is that TOO DARK?! Step back from the abyss, young one. Man was not meant to travel that far!

Dark Whopper.

Hmpprrppp.

Underwhelming Achievement in the Field of Excel.

Please Excel. It is the 21st Century. I have 6GB of RAM. I'm pretty confident I can handle 120 cells worth of data.


Please stop asking me this question. I have many more files to copy and paste from before the dawn comes, and your constant questioning is slowing me right down. Set me free, won't you Excel, to brave the wild rapids of memory management myself. Or at least give me the option to turn this question off.

UPDATE
50. It's 50 cells. Try to copy 'n' paste 51 cells of data out of Excel and it waves the big old flag of caution at you! Proceed with your 51 cells of leadlined data at your own risk! The last table of data I updated was around the 200 cell mark! I've been operating at over four times Excel's recommended limit and I didn't know it! I COULD HAVE DIED!!

So, remember: Fifty cells, you're safe. Fifty-one cells, you're on your own, you maniac!

Bath Time.

Olympic action at the Bird's Nest?

Forget that.

All the real Olympic action is going down at the Birdbath!

Stay tuned. Full report on the 2008 Birdbath Olympic Cup coming soon.

Another funny thing happened...

I asked back here if you've ever read a joke and laughed because it’s funny, but at the same time it’s an uncomfortable laugh because you recognise far too much of yourself in the punchline?

Happened again.

I particularly like the rollover sting. Done that before, too. Aah, I do so enjoy Wondermark.

More Awe.

There are few things that I would truly call awesome – the birth of a child, the wonders of nature, God, lasagne – but over the past week I've come across two more I think could make it onto the list.

I'd only just picked myself up off the floor after witnessing Shazam (the iPhone app that identifies almost any song just by "listening" to it), when along stomps Google Maps Street View in its size 12s to bundle me down again.

Street View is astounding, and absolutely unbelievable. Of course there's the usual handful of desperately cool killjoys scoffing and pretending they're unimpressed, but just ignore them because their hearts are cold and shriveled. And, look, let's deal with any murky privacy concerns another day. For now, let's simply marvel with a sense of childlike wonder at the magic being performed before our very eyes.

UPDATE
A legion mechanical eyes head out, up, down and over, recording, charting, cataloguing the streets and byways of this world, so that a million human eyes can scan through the results to find... funny stuff. And then more funny stuff. Well, what else could you possibly use this new technology for? Oh, what we humans are capable of. And oh, what we humans are capable of. :)

UPDATE 2
Um, in fairness I should probably warn you about "Ryan Germick, web specialist at Google," who features in the Street View introduction I've linked to above. Um, proceed with caution.

A Cure For Connex, Part 2.

Honestly, I'm only trying to...


When I saw that Connex were still doggedly coming out in support of cancer, all logic to the contrary, I thought I'd send them a message and ask why? At the very least I thought they'd appreciate getting an email that wasn't a thundering tirade over late and overcrowded trains on their rail network.

Hello. I was wondering if you could explain the reasoning behind the use of 'for' in 'Connex For Cancer Day'? If you take 'for' in its most common sense as meaning "in favour or in support of" then surely you can only read this as a statement in support of cancer?! Even if it's 'Cancer Day' you're in support of, it still sounds a little creepy. Yay for cancer!

I understand the importance of avoiding negative language in a positioning statement, (as with the former Anti-Cancer Council repositioning themselves by lowering the 'anti'), but wouldn't 'Connex Against Cancer Day' make more sense? Or if you had to use a positive preposition, then 'Connex For A Cure Day'?

I'm not meaning to be negative myself as, whatever it might be called, it's an undeniably worthy initiative, but the choice of words did make me pause.

Many thanks for any response you'd care to make.

Regards,
/etc, etc

Anyway, to my great surprise, a week later I received the following thoughtful reply:

We refer to your inquiry of 13 July 2008, regarding the wording of our “Connex for Cancer Day” campaign.

The intention of the campaign slogan is to indicate our support for Cancer Day, a day we have initiated with the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre to raise funds to contribute to the search for a cure for cancers of all kinds.

There is a subtle distinction between “Connex for Cancer” and “Connex for Cancer Day”, but an important one.

This year’s “Connex for Cancer Day” campaign will be our fourth, and so far, with the help of our customers, we have raised more than $160,000 for the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, a premier Australian resource for cancer patients in the provision of integrated treatment, research and education.

While Cancer Day might be perceived to have negative connotations, we believe that having a day to highlight the disease and the people who have suffered from it, their families and those sufferers who have survived, is an empowering initiative. We’ve worked closely with the Peter Mac Communications and Marketing team to ensure we minimise any offence the community may feel.

The “Connex for Cancer Day” campaign name is not intended to offend, however we are aware that for some people cancer still carries a strong stigma, and talk about the disease can be upsetting for sufferers, survivors or those who know a sufferer or survivor or have lost someone to the disease. We believe the positive aims of our campaign outweigh any negative associations people might have with the wording, and the support of our customers on this day would certainly seem to reinforce that.

We appreciate your feedback, and thank you for the opportunity to clarify our intentions when creating the “Connex for Cancer Day” campaign.

Yours sincerely
Sarah Hart
Connex Melbourne

I understand that there's more to dealing with cancer than merely fighting it; it's also about supporting those who suffer under its terrible burden, so fair enough, Connex, you're right. I'm on board. And I'll txt all my friends right away to let them know!

iPromise no more iPuns.

They're really getting tedious, aren't they? Not as bad as FCUK (you're so naughty, French Connection!), which lost its appeal after one or one viewings, but they're still getting annoying. Especially when they're nothing clever; they're just a boring old headline with an 'i' bunged out the front.

So, yeah, no new puns, but I've got an iPhone!

Glory, that took some doing. I won't bore you with the details of my miraculous escape from a web of incompetence, weaselly buck-passing and half a lifetime on hold, suffice to say that I'm not planning to purchase my next phone from Telechoice. And then just when I thought I was out, it called me up and dragged me back in. The day I went to pick up the replacement unit I made doubly sure it was activated and able to make a call, but I didn't try accessing the web over the 3G network. I should have. After a day of thinking I was just unlucky enough to always be in areas of poor reception, I suddenly realised after comparing my phone to a friend's that, no, it actually wasn't working at all. (And yes, 3G was turned on, I checked. Many times).

Another half hour on the phone touring the many and varied departments of an Optus Call Centre led me to a tech who was eventually able to fix the problem by, quote, "manually installing some missing components in our rear-end," unquote! By this stage I was ready to manually install some components in someone's rear-end too, but a 3G icon blinking into life next to five bars of 3G reception soothed the savage beast within and all was good with the world. I harnessed the good energy, blocked out the bad, iPhone packed his bags, got to the airport, and now he's home.

The only negative now is that since losing my old mobile I've been off the grid for so long that people have stopped calling me. I'm back, people. Feel free to call me again.

UPDATE: Just been googlin' around for iPhone screen protectectors. How good is this one? I'll tell you: among its list of Features it's described as being "Military Grade". Awesome.

Rock 'n' Roll Stars.

So, is Noel Gallagher going to follow Radiohead's lead and make the new Oasis album, Dig Out Your Soul, available for free?

"I didn't spend a year in the most expensive studio in England, with the most expensive producer in America, and the most expensive graphic designer in London to then give [the album] away. Fook that." (Manc phonetic adjustment mine)

Aah, so that'd be a no then, Noel?

That's what I love about the Gallaghers. There's no pretense. They speak their minds, they speak their minds clearly, and they're utterly unconcerned with what others might think. They're just exactly who they are, and exactly who they want to be. They're possibly the most authentic and sincere people on the planet. :)

Here's hoping they'll dig out another cracker.

The Dark Knight.

Amazing. Pretty much everything I'd hoped for. Better than Burton's? Um, you tell me:


Nothing else to be said, really. I couldn't summarise the differences in approach any clearer than that. Unfortunately I couldn't find an image of the new Two-Face to demonstrate the similar horrific contrast between the visions of Nolan and Schumacher, but, really, I don't think I need to:


Tommy Two-Face condemns himself. Jacobim Mugatu's keyboard-tie would be embarrassed to be seen tied around his neck. No matter what Nolan put together it couldn't have been any worse than that.

So, yeah, brilliant. Christian Bale wasn't perfect (his throaty Bat-whisper got a bit much at times), but he's the best Batman yet, and Heath was absolutely magnificent. I could have watched an hour more of him, at least. The Joker's always been my least favourite Batman villain, but not anymore. And Gary Oldman, bless him, managed to turn in another brilliantly understated performance as Lieutenant Gordon. Judged on past performances, Oldman would've been right at home in Schumacher's Gotham, but thankfully he dialled himself down and played Gordon to perfection.

What I loved most about Dark Knight was how real it all felt. And how straight the actors played their roles. No ham at all. It was, well, besides that sonar mobile phone Google Maps deus ex machina, it was all so believable. And daaaaaaark. Batman as it should be.

Anyway, mostly in response to the comment thread on my earlier Dark Knight post, I wanted to put up the collection of campaign posters that I've put together. You can't post images into the Blogger's comments, so I thought I'd use that as an excuse for a new post (this one) and, if it likes, the poster conversation can continue here.

Huzzah! (Click for high-res version. Obviously.)


I love the collage image, but my absolute favourite is this one:


And not just because the head's been cropped. The power, the menace, the suspense... ooh, it send shivers down my spine. And, unlike certain other posters, it sends shivers for the right reason. :)

UPDATE
Collection of promotional posters above updated to include new additions. I'm unsure if some are from different countries, which may explain certain irregularities (such as the four different logo treatments), or even if some might be fan art (the more gruesome Joker ones), but for what it's worth, there they are.

UPDATE 2
I found myself wondering the other day, do I hate Schumacher's Batman films unfairly? Have I created a memory more awful and repugnant than the actual films themselves? If I was to rewatch them now would I actually find that they're really not so bad and just a bit of fun? And then I came across this lowlights reel from Batman and Robin on YouTube, and my wonders fell dead to the ground. I couldn't make it past six minutes. How indescribably odious.

Mind the Gap.

Never let it be said I don't give praise when praise is due. I have, from time to time, been known to bring the gavel of condemnation down on Connex, but if there's ever good behaviour on display, I'll txt the jury straight away.

Good behaviour such as that which occurred this morning at the station formerly known (but still known to JJ) as Spencer Street.

As I went to insert my Metcard into the exit barrier's validator slot, I somehow managed to get the angle wrong and my ticket hit the angled lip beneath the slot. In the blink of an eye and in one swift motion as I continued to push, it slid down and into an open hairline seam at the base of the plastic bracket, disappearing into the metal barrier's guts.


It happened so quickly that I was left there standing with no ticket in my hand and a stunned expression on my face. An expression that turned to dread as I looked up to see a gang of Authorised Customer Service Enforcers standing there with arms folded across their chests and surly expressions fixed to their faces.

As if they were going to believe this.

Fortunately, they didn't have to. I walked over to one of the regular staff and explained that my ticket had just slipped into the barrier. He nodded and waved over a superior. I explained myself again and, instead of being thrown to the dogs, he also nodded and told me to go over to the ticket window where the attendant would assist me. The friendly woman took down my contact number and said she'd call me as soon as a technician had come by to open the barrier. And that was it. No doubt, no accusations, no demands for justification; just pure customer service, and with a smile.

A few hours later I got the call, and over I went to collect my ticket. Thanks Connex.

Heesa like dat second helping!

Is it just me, or is George Lucas starting to look more and more like one of his digital creations?


I'm just asking.

iPhone, Therefore I Am.

Alright, so maybe that's taking it a little too far, but when it comes to iPhone, hyperbole is the order of the day. And my day is today. Which, given that I was quoted three to four weeks for iPhone Round 2, came as quite the pleasant surprise. My, you'd be hard pressed to top my last 24 hours: The Dark Knight last night, iPhone this afternoon, and then I get home to discover a book that I'd ordered had just arrived from Amazon. Icing.

Imagine my disappointment then when I plugged the damn iPhone into my iMac and got the message: "No SIM card installed. Insert an unlocked and valid SIM to activate iPhone." Padme, nooooo!! The Optus guy hadn't been able to activate it in store, but assured me it'd be activated when I plugged it in at home. Well, apparently not. Straight onto the old-style, last century, landline-type phone (at least it worked, I guess), and the best he could suggest was that I bring the iPhone and SIM back into the store tomorrow so he can test it out there. No other option really.

So, bring on tomorrow, and in the meantime I'll just enjoy this sublime packaging in which the iPhone image on the top is embossed, except for the area under the Home button which sits recessed, as it does on the iPhone itself. It's not something you notice until you run your fingers across the box's surface. Just magnificent attention to detail.


UPDATE
Gutted. Took the iPhone back into the Optus store in the city this morning, to be told I got the rotten Apple in the barrel! The guy put my SIM into his phone, and it worked, then he put his SIM into the iPhone, and it didn't. Defective handset. What are the chances? They couldn't just swap it over for me, even if they'd had the stock (see hilarious official sign below) as defective units need to go back to Apple to be replaced by them. Or something. Anyway, he estimated a turnaround of one week which, given the actual over the estimate last time, I'm hoping means two days. I guess we'll see.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy watching this video of the upcoming game Star Wars: The Force Unleashed running on an iPhone!

Phone Line.

Well, sadly, the wait goes on. With a launch day short on stock and long on queues, I'll be waiting a little longer to take my iPhone home.

My initial plan was to head out early to Optus World in Epping, as I figured surely out in Epping demand would be low? Unfortunately, Optus had thought of that too and so only shipped 19 units out to the store, of which less than half were 16GB, less than half of those were black and of that tiny handful all were already accounted for by pre-order deposits. "Should I turn up tomorrow morning?" I asked the lady on the phone. "Don't bother," was the reply.

Plan B then was to catch the early train to Preston, pop over to Optus World to see what the situation was, and hope for the best. Maybe if I managed to hit the front of the queue I'd still be in with a chance? It was on the way to work anyway, so no harm done if things didn't work out. Got to Reservoir station in time for the 6:18 and, you won't believe it, it was cancelled. Thanks Connex. Next train? 6:38. And it was late. By the time I got to Preston, the line was already over 20 deep.


So I joined the end and ended up having a good chat to some fellow queuees as we waited to see how quickly the line would move. After half an hour of it moving nowhere, I conceded it wasn't going to be my lucky day and headed off to work on my regular train. On getting there I was relieved to find that of the many planning to get iPhones only two had been able to do so, and only by signing up with Vodafone whose plans are terrible. I just wasn't that desperate. Popped out at lunch and signed up for Round 2 with Optus, so now the waiting game begins. Anyone fancy some Hungry Hungry Hippos?

UPDATE
To sell its first million first-generation iPhones it took Apple 74 days. With iPhone 3G, nicely enough, it's taken them just three.

Dark Knight of the Soul.

In preparation for The Dark Knight I just rewatched Batman Begins, and I'm pleased to say it held up very well to a repeat viewing. I actually even enjoyed it more the second time around. Possibly because I wasn't as nervous; nervous that the long dark night of silly, rubbish Batman films was set to go onnnnnn. Thankfully though, Batman Begins delivered the Batman I've been so longing to see on screen: serious, complex, and dark; dark as light can be. And with ninjas, too! Ooh, of course, update, update!

And in my relief I'm not alone. Khoi Vinh reflects here on the critical reception of each Batman film to date and, on the off chance Dark Knight fails to meet our expectations, recommends enjoying a world in which the last Batman film didn't suck while we still can.

I've always considered myself a fan of the two Burton films, but, my, Christopher Nolan's efforts so far show just how far they fell from being what they could have been. Please, Mr Nolan, no giant, waddling, rocket-launching penguins or songs by Prince in this one. Have mercy.

UPDATE
Michael Bay's rejected script for Michael Bay's The Dark Knight by Michael Bay, featuring dialogue scripted by Michael Bay. Hilarious.

UPDATE 2
Nice little group shot here of the promotional posters created for The Dark Knight. The thumbnails really don't do them justice as, contrary to what the guy says in his post, the full-size prints I've seen have looked amazing. They are quite diverse in style, but I feel the thematic link is strong enough to hold them together as a set.

Actually, this trend towards multiple, character-based posters instead of one key image seems to be on the increase. Particularly with blockbusters. I guess a blockbuster budget helps. And it's good; keeps you keeping an eye out as you drive past bus shelters or whatever, looking to complete the set or just to spot your favourite character who you've yet to see. Attack of the Clones (2002) had me on the lookout for Jango (pre-disillusionment) and Matrix Reloaded (2003) caught my interest as I like cropping heads in the photos I take, too. (Shame the posters ended up being the best thing about the film). I wonder which film used this technique first? The Phantom Menace did it in 1999, but surely there are earlier examples than that? Class?

UPDATE 3
Collecting different editions of Catch-22 over the last decade or so has led me on a treasure hunt through a trail of secondhand dealers too numerous to count. But then eBay rolled into town and all of a sudden I could search a world of riches from the extraordinary comfort of my Aeron chair. My collection grew from a handful to a shelfful in no time at all, and the need to commit precious time to an increasingly futile search was gone. But so too, I came to realise, was part of the fun; the journey, though long, was often rewarding in and of itself.

All of which is a long way of saying that any discussions we might have had long into the night over which film used the multiple character-based style first has been obviated by Kate's discovery of the brilliant Internet Movie Poster Awards. It may not be exhaustive, but it's certainly thorough, and based upon its content we can award third place to 1991's Silence of the Lambs, second place to 1990's Dick Tracy, and first place to (drumroll) the ever innovating U2 with their 1988 film, Rattle and Hum. Clap, clap, clap. So there you go.

A Few More of my Favourite Things.

Like Star Wars-themed Transformers...


...Mystery Science Theater shout-outs in The Simpsons...


...or an ocean of meat, cheese and barbeque sauce colliding in the blessed form of Barbeque Meat-Lovers Stuffed Crust goodness, I love it when my varied interests intersect.


Sure, the sum may not always be greater than the individual parts, See: Alien vs Predator, but like pizza and sex (as the saying goes), when it's good, it's really good, and when when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

And now I've come across this clip from an episode of Mystery Science Theater I've not seen before, and I have another satisfying convergence for my list: MST and Macs!



Hehehe. I always knew there was a reason Tom Servo was my favourite. Amiga?! Bah!

UPDATE
Of course! How did I forget the top-shelf combo of BATMAN AND NINJAS from Batman Begins?! Gold.

Here it comes...

WWDC kicks off in four hours, and with it cometh iPhone 2, baby! And I just lost my old mobile last night! Well, misplaced most likely, but a little positive thinking never hurt anyone! Lost will do as I drift off to sleep tonight...

UPDATE: I apologise for saying "baby" up there in the original post. I don't normally talk that way. But that's iPhone fever for you, baby!

UPDATE 2: Avast! Thar she blows!


iPhone 3G! A phone so cool it skipped an entire generation and went straight to 3! And it's coming to Australia! All my childhood dreams of the future have been fulfilled. Well, not all fulfilled; I'm still waiting on personal jetpacks. And flying cars. And teleporting. But it's a big step forward nonetheless. What an incredible device.

If you haven't watched the Stevenote, it's worth checking out; if only to see what the many developers have done with the Software Developers Kit. The music app at 40:11, the Google Maps-style medical app at 45:35 and the game demo at 52:13 are pretty amazing. Especially that game demo. As the guy says, it's hard to believe it's running on a mobile device. And the use of the built-in accelerometer for character control is very cool. The device/browser comparison at 1:29:20 is also pretty convincing.

And watching all this, it surprises me that Apple pushed so hard for the iPhone brand name, as phone calls are pretty much the least of what the iPhone does. It's like calling the iMac the DoorStop. Sure, it can do that — and do it well, you know — but my, it can do so much more. It's a fully featured, micro-sized personal computer! I guess iPhone rolls off the tongue easily, and sits comfortably within Apple's "i" stable, but it does seem like an unnecessarily timid name, especially when you consider the boldness of 'iPod'. MacNano seems like it'd be more appropriate, though equally unimaginative. I guess that's why Apple have been throwing around the quote "The phone that has changed phones forever".

Well, whatever its name might be, I reckon you could call it Apple HotCakes because this baby is going to move.

UPDATE 3: Oh no! I did it again.

My scars run deeper.

It's the stuff of nightmares. Edward Scissorhands has been twisted into a triumphant theatrical major stage spectacular! And if the mere thought of such a thing isn't enough to make you stab yourself in the throat with a pair of scissors, then this image from the brochure will get you there (click to zoom):


Please, make it stop! Right there, in one terrifying shot, is everything I hate about the theatre. The audience in the back row can't pick up any subtleties in a performance, so a raised eyebrow becomes an extravagant, all-of-body gesture. Look at those histrionic expressions and ridiculously contrived poses. They'd make a clown turn away in embarrassment. My eyes haven't stung this much since they were assaulted by the grotesque visages of the Young Demons. I need to go and drench the poor buggers in Dettol. Back soon.

Right. That's better. Man, if there's any film I never wanted to see turned into a musical, it's all of them. That they've done it to one of my favourites is particularly distressing. 

Tim. Burto. Mate. After the all-singing horror of Sweeny Todd I guess I'm not surprised that you've lent your name to this musical monstrosity... but still, I am disappointed.

Young & Old.

I felt young when I realised I owned the album containing the winner of this year's Triple J Hottest 100.

I felt old when I realised that getting up in the morning on weekends was a disappointment because Jon Faine wasn't on the radio.

I felt old when I realised Triple J's on-air survey question: "Which musician would you most like to pash?" was making me cringe.

I felt young when I realised it was a question I could answer: Meg White!

Hehehehe.

Not like rain on your wedding day.

Wikipedia continues to surprise. I mean, I love the phrase "Eschew obfuscation", but who the hell takes the time to write up an entry for it?

And Wikipedia continues to amuse. I laughed when I saw this T-shirt earlier today, and then laughed again when I visited the article above just now...

Happy Star Wars (tm) Day 2008.

Happy Star Wars (tm) Day everyone. May the Fourth be with you, and may your day be filled with many pleasant thoughts of classic trilogies, of expanded universes, and of future screenplays featuring minimal input from Uncle George.

I'm completely out of touch with the latest news on the upcoming TV shows, other than reading somewhere that Rick Fantastic knows they'll be fantastic, and they'll totally blow my mind because George is such a fantastic storyteller blah, blah, blah, but that's it. As with the new Indy, I'm so fearful they'll suck so hard that I'd prefer just not to know. At least then I can still pretend that Boba will be redeemed from the soulless, derivative joke he's become.

But let's not dwell on the dark, let's turn towards the light and enjoy the serendipity of discovering a new range of Star Wars key chain thingos at the local servo as I was paying for my petrol this morning. They even had a Boba...


...and most pleasing of all, no Jango. :)

UPDATE: Nicely timed: John Gruber visits Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination and flickrs his photos for us.

Zackers v Messerschmitts.

Since 2007 I have honoured the ANZAC spirit as defined by the AFL — skill, courage, self-sacrifice, teamwork and fair play — by composing a List of all 16 teams, ordered from Most Virtuous to Most Odious.

And now the tradition continues as the List is tested once again on the Field of Battle. Will it emerge unscathed and unchanged, or beaten into some new and unrecognisable form?

Charge!

Richmond
Melbourne
St Kilda
Geelong
Western Bulldogs
Essendon
North Melbourne
Sydney
Adelaide
Hawthorn
Fremantle
Carlton
Collingwood
Brisbane Lions
West Coast
Port Adelaide

Post-battle wrap-up: Well, the biggest change was Port thumping to the bottom of the list, mostly because they still have teal as a team colour. I hate teal. I'm surprised they ranked so high last year. And also because of Warren Tredrea, although I can't quite put my finger on why? The other big change was the North of Somewhere Kangaroos deciding they were still only North of Melbourne, and so in appreciation they got bumped up above Sydney. Oh, and Adelaide got elevated to above Hawthorn because the city of Adelaide's really not so bad, and I really like crows and seriously Hawthorn, yellow and brown, hello, who thought that was a good idea?

Harlow Be Thy Name.

My sister emailed me a little while back to ask if I knew that Nicole Richie had named her newly arrived daughter Harlow Winter Kate? Happily the answer was 'no', as I do try to keep myself unencumbered by any awareness of the goings on in the life of Ms Richie. I'm just relieved that my Winter blossomed into being first, as I couldn't stand the possibility of people thinking I plucked the name from the empty head of Nicole.

And, on that note, my sister also wanted to know if as I already have a Kate and a Winter in my family whether I was considering Harlow as the name for Harper? Again, no, but glory, her jest was too near the mark to be funny. Thankfully Nicole took the "-low" road and a crisis was averted.

And then, as if that wasn't bad enough, my sister-in-law tells me that a co-worker of hers asserted confidently on hearing Harper's name that we got it from a new character on Lost! Now, not that Harper was named after Harper Lee (or indeed any Harper), but I despair of a world in which the author of a classic of twentieth century literature is overlooked in favour of some recently arrived, incidental character on a throw-away TV serial.

UPDATE: Also falling in to the category of "Ignorance is Bliss", the Age SuperQuiz today featured the question, "In which year did Ray Martin win his third gold Logie?" Two points there I was quite happy to concede.

UPDATE 2: For those playing at home, it was 1994.

The More Things Stay the Same.

First day at my new job today. I'm back in the city, and so I caught the morning train in for the first time since late November last year. Train was delayed, of course, and while I received no notification from Connex, they did let me know that the train after mine would be running direct to Flinders St and not through the Loop as normal.

Aah, it's good to be back. Feels as though I haven't missed a day.

UPDATE: Text message #1 from Connex at 5:58am: "Signalling problems at Clifton Hill,ant delays of 40minutes on all services." Text message #2 from Connex at 6:15am: "Signalling problems at Clifton Hill now rectified,ant delays of 40minutes on Epping and Hurstbridge line services.. Connex, Keeping you updated."

Connex's Delay campaign has so stuck in my head that for a second there I thought an "ant delay" was a delay caused by ants. Giant Radioactive Killer Ants most likely! Sadly no.

Happily though, as my morning train pulled into Clifton Hill later that morning I discovered not only the absence of any giant ants, but also of any delays. Well, thanks Connex for "Keeping me updated". Is a resumption of normal services not something worth updating your customers on?

Honestly, that little postscript has irritated me from the day it first appeared about a year into the life of the (extended) delay notification system, and not just because that comma after 'Connex' should be a colon. Mostly it annoys me because it smacks of desperate wallpapering by the marketing department in the hope we won't notice the cracks underneath. Like a salesman who calls himself honest, a service that does keep you informed, shouldn't need to tell you it's keeping you informed. All this slogan does is highlight how the reality falls short of the promise.

UPDATE 2: And on that note, I just read the following quote:

The louder he talks of honour, the faster we count our spoons. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think the Connex version would read:

The louder they talk of updates, the faster I run for the early train.

Blood.

Rambo was a brutal tale of vicious cruelty and unspeakable horror, and yet I left the cinema smiling. Is there something wrong with me, the film, or both?

And in other movie news, [Warning: There Will Be Spoilers] I went to a lunch time session of There Will Be Blood today with Kate and a gaggle of senior citizens. And I've got to say, what it is with old people these days? They gripe and moan about the poor manners of today's youth, but whose mobile phone was that jangling away at the very key climactic moment of the film?! And who was that ANSWERING THE PHONE as a man was BLUDGEONED TO DEATH with a bowling pin? And who was that loudly REPEATING "Hello, hello?" down the line as he struggled to overcome the poor reception within the cinema? It wasn't me, I can tell you. And after several furious glares and a terse, "Seriously?!" finally got the old man to close his phone, I turned back to the screen to get one line of dialogue and the credits were rolling!

There Was Almost Blood.

Well, not really. I'm quite a non-confrontational person, but way to sabotage the emotional climax of the film. I'm always surprised when people answer their phones in cinemas. Especially when it's a member of the older generation who are supposed to be paragons of politeness. I guess for them it's just techno-fear most of the time though – the device controlling them instead of the other way around – and they actually would turn it off... if they could only work out how. Sigh.

Actually, speaking of irritations you'll see Only At The Movies, I've never understood the need for the torch-lit patrols an employee is seemingly required to walk at regular intervals throughout a session. Because it's not at all distracting, is it – someone walking around a darkened room waving a torch all over the place – and sometimes all it takes is one distracted glance away from the screen before you're scratching your head asking, "What was that about Rosebud?"

Are they checking for termites? Fires? Escaped convicts? Terrorists who've snuck to unleash hell on the 9:35 session of Love Actually? Or is it just to let us know that it may be dark, children, but don't even think about putting your feet on the seats or taking out any non-Candy Bar contraband you've smuggled in, because we will catch you and we will be crackin' skulls.

I'm sure it's some form of legal bottom-covering madness, but I can't for the life of me think what?

Actually, another bit of blood-related movieness just occurred to me: if you haven't already heard, Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street is a MUSICAL! I had absolutely no idea as I hate musicals and try to be as ill-informed regarding them as possible. All I heard was Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Alan Rickman, Helena Bonham Carter and that was all I needed to hear. If only I'd probed a little deeper I might have learned that the film was based on a musical, and that right from Scene One the characters would be swanning around singing most of their lines. Argh! Even Alan Rickman the magnificent! No Alan, please, NO! Don't do IT! ARGH! Thankfully Alan maintained his dignity by keeping his musical numbers to a minimum, but still.

It may not have been the horror film Tim Burton expected it to be, but oh yes, a HORROR IT WAS!

Resuming Your Regularish Transmission.

Jesus might have survived 40 days alone in the wilderness, and Noah 40 days adrift on the ocean, but I'd like to see either of them do 40 days with no Internet. I bet if Satan had turned up offering the kingdoms of the world and their splendor, plus a chance to check his email, Jesus would have folded in a second.

Yep, Internet's back on at home, and not a moment too soon. Blogging old school style with pen and paper was getting tiresome. Especially writing out the hyperlinks. Now, at last, things can get back to normal, and I can start receiving Zombie vs Ninjas/Which Vegetable Are You/Friday Drinks/Your Entourage/My Aquarium/Poke Pro/You're a Hottie/Hot Eligible Singles/Hotness Scale requests on Facebook again...

Hmm, maybe there's been a silver lining after all...

I'll transcribe and post 'em for your continuing edification as I get the chance. The dates won't be right, but then who but JJ checks the dates anyway?