Lord's Cricket Ground. St John's Wood, London. Site of
the most sacred strip of sporting turf the world has ever known. Twenty-two
yards of hallowed ground, drenched in centuries of sweat, blood and tears, baked
in the flames of countless legends being forged... and the most unlikely place
you'd expect to find a parked car.
Hahaha. But as if that'd ever happen. I mean, who'd
ever park a car on the pitch at Lord's?! Well, they once said the same thing
about Fellers Pitch in Templestowe, a strip sacred to all fans of Slurpee
tossing. But in 2011 when the tossers all turned up to compete…
But this bunch of tossers is used to overcoming
adversity. When the local council tore down their basketball rings, they didn't
sit around complaining. They made up a new game: F'nOckey. And when the council
bulldozed the F'nOckey court, they adapted the game and F'nOccer was born. And
when some sod parked a car bang in the middle of Fellers Pitch, they moved a
few steps to the left onto the bricked footpath, and the game was back on. Adaptable.
And what an interesting
game it was shaping up to be, as it could well prove to be the second… cog?
prong? leg? The second something in Bart's campaign to hold all three
Templetitles at once. Having secured Keeper of the F'nOath at the 2011 Fish Balloon Birdbath Cup, he needed only to win the Toss to open the way to
challenge for the Master of Demolitions.
Would he, could he, win
the Tos… oh come on. If you've spent any time on here reading these reports you
already know he won the Toss. Of course he won the Toss. The
odds of him losing are as short as those of finding a Slurpee machine with four
working barrels are long. The bigger question is: will he challenge Post for
the Master of Demolitions? Does he have the courage to resurrect the sport that
nearly put Post in the ground?
We still don't know. He
certainly hasn't jumped to it. Maybe he's busy?
Anyway, as we already know the result, and as this post is
almost three years late, let’s fly through the others.
First up was Ahab, who was calling it long, hard, early and often. His cup flew straight and true and set a good mark for those to follow.
Then came Bart. His cup drifted to the left but outdistanced Ahab by a good few metres.
Next up was Post, who tonked off a strong toss, possibly a personal best, that came to rest ahead of Ahab, but behind Bart. Same ol', same ol'.
Glamma stepped up and also achieved a possible personal best, falling short of Ahab by about a metre.
After a strong debut in 2009, Nick missed the Toss of 2010, but was back in 2011, ready to go. He displayed great technique, but lacked the necessary power, and his cup landed just behind Glamma's.
Last of the men was Davet, who employed the under-arm tossing style first used by Kate in 2004, and also used by young Harper in 2010. Though the style has its critics, Davet's cup travelled far (though somewhat wide), and ended up ahead of everyone but Post and Bart.
Crowned Queen at the inaugural Women's Toss in 2009, and on debut no less, Kirst again stepped up and set a mark that would be hard to beat.
Rookie of the year in 2010, Winter was back for another go. With a smooth motion she hurled her cup forwards and a couple of metres down the path. Another great effort from the youngest competitor at the Toss.
Final results (official)
MENS: 1. Bart (King); 2. Post (Jack); 3. Davet; 4. Ahab; 5. Glamma; 6. Nick.
WOMENS: 1. Kirst (Queen); 2. Winter.
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