You know those people who, what's the expression, you could listen to reading the phone book? Shaun Micallef, for example. I could listen to him reading the phone book. I don't know what it would be, but he'd bring something to the act that would make it enjoyable and worthwhile.
Noel Gallagher – despite the pleasing Manc accent – would not be on my list of phone book orators; but I'd be interested in getting his opinion on it. Whatever it was, it'd be worth hearing, as quotable gold seems to tumble out each time Noel opens his Big Mouth. If he's not offering his opinion on album pricing, then he's discussing rock stars who say they don't take drugs:
The guitarist told Italian newspaper Corriere Della Sera: "I look at Chris Martin, who says he has never taken drugs in his life, and I think he is an idiot. Doing drugs is the most beautiful thing about being in a rock band.
"Up until 1998 I must have spent £1 million on drugs - then I stopped, because it is bad for your health, brain, life and for people around you. But while you use them - except for heroin which kills people and which I have never tried - as you lot [Italians] would say, 'Mamma Mia'."
He's a git, and a prat, but he's a thoroughly entertaining one. Click on the link above for the full article, including Noel's thoughts on political messages at rock shows.
I was just exposed to a video that was highly offensive, deeply disturbing, and bag loads of fun to watch! If you're up for something like that, turn the volume up and click on through.
So, is Noel Gallagher going to follow Radiohead's lead and make the new Oasis album, Dig Out Your Soul, available for free?
"I didn't spend a year in the most expensive studio in England, with the most expensive producer in America, and the most expensive graphic designer in London to then give [the album] away. Fook that." (Manc phonetic adjustment mine)
Aah, so that'd be a no then, Noel?
That's what I love about the Gallaghers. There's no pretense. They speak their minds, they speak their minds clearly, and they're utterly unconcerned with what others might think. They're just exactly who they are, and exactly who they want to be. They're possibly the most authentic and sincere people on the planet. :)
Oh, poor, poor neglected blog. Do not despair, you've not been forgotten. Brand me not a fickle whore; you remain my one, true online love. Facebook has come, but Facebook and its myriad apps and incessant poking will go; rest assured. Huh. Facebook. I guess we now know that adding ninjas to something doesn't always make it better!
So I think I need one mega stream of consciousness blurt to get myself up to speed and back to the present. Although I don't know if it's really worth the bother as with Number 2 popping out some time in the next few months, there'll likely be even less time for blogging than there is now? Oh, which reminds me: I've been meaning to post the 20 week ultrasound image and continue my tradition of drawing unfavourable comparisons. Tell me, for instance, if you can see anything in this image other than a Simpsons' character? I mean, look at that overbite.
Oh wait, that's not the original... um, oh, here it is:
...but still... not much difference between the two to my eye.
So, I just returned from a holiday with a group of friends in Marysville, and arrived home to discover the front door wide open! No signs of burglary, so I can only assume that when I deadlocked the door as I departed I didn't give it the special up-and-to-the-left shove it requires to really click home. Whoops. The screen door was snibbed, but still, if you'd looked up as you were passing you could have seen right down the hall into the bathroom! (Actually, it's a bathroom that needs an eye kept on it.) Funny thing was the local paper sitting on the doormat featured a cover story on Darebin's "burglar curse" where it quoted RACV figures showing "all Darebin suburbs other than Reservoir are well above the state average of one burglary for every 48 homes." A fact to which my fly-wire door will (if prompted) attest! Perhaps the burglars were away on Christmas hols as well?
Oh, which reminds me: Christmas! Happy belated approximate birthday Jesus! You don't look a day over 2007. Hope your day was especially Awesome!!!!
Oh, which reminds me: I've been meaning to post this cartoon that I enjoyed recently:
Always nice to discover others who share your particular irritation.
Which reminds me: while you've got to hand it to the Breast Cancer Foundation people for such an amazing job generating awareness and support for their cause, I wonder if their success is to the detriment of other worthy causes? With their string of high-profile, pink-themed public events and an array of pink-coloured Special Edition consumables so vast you could live your life purchasing nothing else, it's easy to overlook the smaller voices crying out for attention as well. As I say, I don't begrudge what they've achieved, I just hope we don't fall into thinking our philanthropic obligation to society ends at the cash register with two packs of strawberry Tim Tams. And in particular (actually the catalyst for this little rant), I hope we don't see any more instances of emotional manipulation as blatant and clumsy as this:
What a shocker. Wouldn't "Buy Dove Pink to help find a cure for breast cancer" have worked just as well? Hey, no one wants to be the jerk who says they don't want a cure for breast cancer, so maybe it seemed like a good idea in the brainstorming session, but you've got to wonder what they were thinking?
Which reminds me: when Radiohead made In Rainbows available for download they inexplicably neglected to include cover art. A quick email asking where it could be found received a laconic "Cover art is not available" in reply. I did in the end find an image which, to my horror, was riddled with Helvetica. So much for being progressive and experimental! But thankfully the cover must have been fan-generated or somesuch, because it's significantly different to the cover art now available from iTunes and Amazon.
The splotchy thing's been flipped and rotated, a wavy blue Punch-Drunk Love-ish and Sea Change-ish slippy thing's been introduced, the type's been tightened up and, best of all, no Helvetica. They've gone instead with the UK's road signage face Transport Medium, and I think the result is considerably more pleasing. Although I would like to baseline shift those slashes.
Um, what else? Oh, that's enough for now.
UPDATE: While googlin' around for Jeremy Blake links (he of the Punch-Drunk Love/Beck work), I discovered he's dead! Swam out to sea and drowned himself last year a week after his girlfriend killed herself. Tragic. Wikipedia says they "believed that they were being followed and harassed by Scientologists up to the point of their deaths." Bizarre.
Well... in the meantime, please do enjoy his stunning clip for Beck's Round the Bend.
Alright! £1.45 and a quick legal download later, and Radiohead's new album, In Rainbows, is playing away happily in my iTunes. Though perhaps "happily" isn't the best word? Certainly not one you'll hear in connection with a Radiohead album very often, anyway. Hmm. Perhaps, "playing despondently?" Whatever the case, there it is, playing away. Minus cover art for the moment, which is a little annoying, but which I'll forgive out of respect for the sheer ballsiness of this little experiment in putting the power back into the hands of the artist.
If you haven't heard, Radiohead are out of contract, and are distributing their new album solely (for the time being, at least) through their website. You can either order the deluxe kitchen sink discbox edition featuring Everything And More for £40, or you can just download the album for... whatever price you feel is fair!
No, really. You just plug in whatever you want and your download begins. Despite being of the opinion that every Radiohead album is worth its weight in platinum, it took me a while to decide on a figure. I'm still very much a CD man, and will buy the album when it's eventually released that way, and I didn't really want to buy the album twice. But I also didn't want to send the message that I thought the album was worth nothing, so in the end I settled on £3 (a nice halfway point, I feel) and proceeded to the checkout, only to discover, strangely, that it was only going to charge me £1 (plus the 45p transaction fee). I was impatient to get underway, decided not to argue, clicked Submit and my download began.
So, how good is that? Interaction direct with the artist with, I imagine, a good share of the profit (however small it may be) going directly to them, with the big studios and their shareholders sitting on the sidelines watching. I wonder how this will change things? I guess it's not for everyone as Radiohead can afford (in every sense of the word) to take a risk like this, but it'll be interesting to see what this'll do to the digital landscape, and how the studios will react.
Not hi-res, but it'll do for now. Hang on. Helvetica? Boo! 'Hail to the Thief' is still my favourite Radiohead cover.
UPDATE 2: According to a survey of 5000 readers by online music magazine Record of the Day, the average price paid by those who downloaded In Rainbows was £3.88.
UPDATE 3: Comments left as a part of the survey certainly cover the spectrum. From fervid cheerleading:
"I paid the maximum allowed amount, £99.99, just for the digital download because Radiohead deserves massive accolades for their industry leadership. Aside from being a great band, they have shown the courage to do what the vested interests in the music industry have not -- embrace new models of distribution that will benefit the industry as a whole, fans, artists and labels alike, not just record execs. In Rainbows might have cost me 200 bucks, but I believe Radiohead’s contribution to fans, music and society as a whole, is priceless. The band has never ripped off its fans, in recorded quality or live performance. It’s time to return that favour."
to the downright crotchety:
"I paid 0.00 and I’ll burn it to CD for my friends too. I’m reminding the commentators that a large part of the market just doesn’t expect to pay for music anymore. It’s easy for bands whose status has been achieved by the investment of record labels, (whose demise now seems to be so gleefully welcomed by the punters), but are Radiohead going to invest in bands of the future? They’re not revolutionising anything they’re just capitalising on market transition, and like all the non traditional newcomers, sucking out the profit for themselves."
Although, downloading the album via the approved method seems like an odd form of protest. :)
Personally, I'm of the view that a blog should be more than just links to videos on YouTube. But every once in a while a clip comes along that's such a feast, it simply has to be shared. And so, please, won't you pull your chair up to the table and get stuck into this incredible clip of Stevie Wonder pounding away on his... drumkit?
And after that, if you've still got room for Jello, shovel down this sumptuous clip of Stevie on Sesame Street playing, imho, his best song ever, Superstition.
And, though I know you're about to burst, please find the room for one final clip of Stevie, again on Sesame St, but this time playin' around with Grover. Go on, it's wafer thin.
Well, the handwriting analysis results aren’t back from the lab, but judged purely along lines of content, it would seem the Anonymous Critic has returned! And to the very same stretch of wall on Swanston Street, no less.
The scourge of derivative musicians everywhere, the Anonymous Critic was last seen hacking into Aussie rockers, Jet. This time, however, the Critic's directing both barrels at every mum's favourite "grown-man band," Human Nature, who are currently touring their double-disc collection of Motown classics "direct from Hitsville!" Yeah!
But unlike the Critic's attack on Jet, there's no appeal to our better natures this time, no plea to lift ourselves from the mire of mediocrity and stop settling for second best. No, this time there's just a nail-punching declaration that Human Nature "SUCK" and a fiery demand for the band to "Write your own fucking songs!!!" Three exclamation marks there, so you know it's serious.
Confusingly though, for a person so passionate about not just retreading the path of those who've gone before, the Critic has let him- or herself down with the illustration that's been used to flesh out this fuming condemnation. Instead of finding some inventive way to deface the four harmonisin' figures, the Critic has resorted to that old favourite doodle... a doodle! Two, in fact. And in case there's any possible doubt as to the doodle's significance, the man on the mic elaborates frankly, confessing to the crowd that he doesn't just suck, he sucks doodle.
Clever. Such wit. One wonders why the Critic stopped there and didn't add glasses and Hitler moustaches as well?
There's no way of knowing when next the Anonymous Critic will bring the gavel down, but I wonder who it'll be in the dock? It's not too late to change your ways, Wolfmother!!! Put down your ARIA awards and look into your hearts while there's still time!!!
I love my iPod. Even if it is merely a third-generation iPod whose small storage capacity and even smaller monochrome screen makes the kids of today wonder how I can even bear to be alive. “How do you handle having to watch movies in black and white? What? You can’t even watch movies on it? Wow; go to bed, old man. How old did you say that thing was?”
But after yesterday I love my iPod even more. For you see I have discovered that my iPod is not just an iPod, it is a Magic iPod!
The day began like any other: at my Mac, strong long black and a quick flick through my RSS Reader for the news of the day. I noticed Apple had just released a new ad for Apple TV, so I went and had a look. It uses a clip from Jack Black’s film, School of Rock, where he’s instructing his students on how to play the rock classic, ‘Smoke on the Water.’ Nice ad. Playtime over, I put on my headphones, set my iPod to shuffle all songs and pressed Play. Of the 4312 tracks it had to choose from, guess what it chose? Yep, Smoke on the Water. What are the odds? Like, seriously? Talk about push advertising. I nearly fell off my chair!
Then! If that wasn't enough, last night I headed to the cinema for an evening drenched in blood, glory and spittle as 300 Spartans shouted themselves hoarse while hacking an endless sea of Persians to pieces. Magnificent. Anyway, I popped into the Men's Room before the session and heard Veruca Salt's 'Volcano Girls' playing over the PA. It was quite a surprise to hear something I actually liked over a PA, something that was very much not the easy-listenin' musak you would normally expect. And they must have given Kylie the night off because then as I walked into the cinema, Radiohead's 'Sit Down, Stand Up' came on. "Wow," I commented, "two good songs in a row. It's like they've got my iPod plugged in." And then next up, also to be found on my iPod, was the stomping 'Seven Nation Army' by the White Stripes. I couldn't believe it. Three from three! The pre-show "entertainment" then started up, so my run came to an end, but only for two hours because as the movie ended and the lights came on, so too did Lamb's 'Gabriel,' which is not only one of my all-time favourite songs, but also the track Kate sauntered down the aisle to! It was Pirate Radio and my iPod (tucked away in my satchel) was at the board pushing the buttons. (Or whatever it is you do at a Pirate Radio).
I know Bill Gates' smart-house will create a personal playlist based on preferences stored in that chip in your skull and pipe your music after you as you walk from room to room, but Apple have trumped him once again by extending the feature out into public places! With an astounding, apparently unique, magic-feature like this, I think I can mollify the upgrade desire for a few more years at least...
UPDATE: The Magic Lives On, and not just in the hearts of children, but within the electronic heart of my Magical iPod as well, as it continues to broadcast its playlists out through ethereal pipes and into the world around. Huzzah!
I’ve just finished watching the third episode of the last ever absolutely the last final full stop never again nine episodes of The Sopranos. And of these three episodes, two have featured tracks taken directly from my Best. Jazz. Ever. playlist on my iPod. First up was the sublime perfection of Dave Brubeck’s, ‘Take Five,’ which was followed two episodes later by Benny Goodman’s stomping, ‘Sing, Sing, Sing (With A Swing).’ If either of the next two episodes feature Charles Mingus’ pinnacle of jazz expression, ‘II B.S.’ I’m declaring this magic-to-be-or-not-to-be speculation officially settled.
UPDATE 2: I know you’ll think I’m joking, but there’s some freakshow over here who reckons he prefers—get this—his old 2nd-gen iPod to his new 5th-gen video iPod! I know, I know! Crazy fool. Hopefully he’ll let us know when the shuttle lands.
UPDATE 3: SO CLOSE! When laying down a fleece to test the Magicalness of my iPod, I chose to use my all time favourite jazz track, 'II B.S' by Charles Mingus. Well, I didn't manage to land that stomper, but the final Soprano's episode, did feature another of my Top Five favourite jazz tracks, Duke Ellington's standard, Caravan; a track I love so much I've collected 42 different versions of it (and counting). It wasn't my favourite version, but it was still a track on my iPod! So, how amazing is that? Three of my Top Five in the final run of seven episodes. Magic!
Although I actually quite like Jet, I enjoyed reading this despairing cry from some anonymous critic, written directly onto a poster for Jet’s new album, Shine On.
This band is boring. If their music was an exam paper they’d fail on grounds of plagiarism. doesn’t anyone listen to the Stooges anymore? c’mon people!
I’m quite sure I couldn’t count the times I’ve whined something similar while sitting around watching Rage on a Saturday morning, bemoaning the state of contemporary popular music.
I particularly like the “C’mon people!”; as though he sees our potential and knows we can do better; knows we can find a world of passion, authenticity and originality just beyond this veil of carbon-copy mediocrity, if only we’d stretch out and try.
Well, I haven’t heard Jet’s new album, but if, as rumoured, their sound has been heavily influenced by their recent touring companions, Oasis (and speaking of plagiarism), then things can surely only be looking good! Hehe.
And notice how the first line is in texta, while the rest is in pen? I find that curious. A bold heading with some copy in a regular weight is not the sort of detail you’d expect for some hastily scrawled graffiti. I wonder what it says, if anything, about the person who penned it?
You know, I thought Beck’s head on that Dandy set of shoulders was as good a match as you’d be likely to find, but now I’m not so sure. Bobby Timmons has just swaggered into town, you see, looking for a place to lay his head, and I thinks those Dandy shoulders might suit him just fine.
Actually, I say ‘swaggered’ into town, but it was more of a squeeze, like toothpaste from a tube. Or a caterpillar from a cocoon. Indeed, he must’ve been stuck inside Radiohead for some time because the 'Bends' guy looks quite relieved to have him out.
So Bobby’s on the screen, but so far he’s yet to make his move. I can only guess he’s getting the lay of the land, measuring the pixels, seeing what kind of a hold Beck has on those well-known, bohemian shoulders. As you can see below, Bobby’s out in force down south, looking north with a determined gaze.
And Beck’s clearly concerned. He’s making a show of staying close, flitting around like a peacock if a peacock was to flit, but when Bobby flips in, Beck flips right the hell out as soon as iTunes’ll let him.
So this is getting pretty exciting, yeah?
Hello?
[Crickets chirp. Somewhere a wolf howls.]
Well anyway, the tension is building, but will the build-up be worth it? Will Bobby’s head prove to be a better match than Beck’s? Who can say, who can predict? Don’t worry, don’t worry; you will get to see for yourselves. I’m like a deer hunter, watching, lying in wait, ready to snap off a shot when the target springs into view. It’s only a matter of time…
UPDATE, BY REQUEST: Coming to you live from Apostrophe Garden in wintery Melbourne, Australia, it’s all the hot grass-growing action you handle, and it's all right here on The Path. So sit back and stay tuned because this could get out of controoooooool.
This morning I woke up with Wolfmother’s ‘Woman’ blaring at full speed (and full volume) in my head. I became conscious and was instantly aware of the main riff hurtling around my skull with its size 12 boots on. I wonder if it had been on loop in my subconscious the whole night, or whether it simply started up again when I woke, as though I’d just taken the song off pause? I wonder what goes on in my brain when I’m not there?
(Rereads post. Hmm. Wolfmother’s 'Woman'? I’m glad a lot of Freud’s theories have been discredited because he’d no doubt have had a field day with the supposed significance of this one.) :-)
If over the next few months I happen to kick down your door and strut in screaming, “Hellomelbourneareyoureadytoroooooooock?!” please forgive me, nod politely and go about your business. I’ve just started using ‘Instant Rockstar’ hair product, you see, and I’m not sure how literal its claim will turn out to be.
Instant Rockstar? How desperately lame. It took me some time to muster enough courage to overcome my embarrassment and take it to the counter. It was like I was sixteen again, trying to rent an R-rated movie from the video store. The helpful woman at the Hairhouse Warehouse, however, assured me it would do exactly what I wanted my hair product to do, so what’s a 31 year old, decidedly un-rockstar personality to do?
As an aside, apparently Bart went to school with the brains behind Instant Rockstar! He was the slack-arse who no-one thought would amount to anything, but I guess he's proved 'em wrong. Although, Instant Rockstar? Maybe not. It's certainly not a name I would have chosen if I’d been involved, but if it’s shifting units and working out, good luck to him, I guess. I’m yet to be convinced the product's better than its ridiculous name, but we’ll just have to see.
Chuck D, (rhyme animal, prophet of rage, middle-class rap superstar, personal teenage role-model and way better half of seminal hip-hop outfit Public Enemy) once observed that, “These days you can’t see who’s in cahoots, ‘cause now the KKK wears three-piece suits. It’s like that y’all, it’s like that y’all, in fact you know it’s like that y’all.” (That last sentence wasn’t really relevant, but once you’re on Chuck’s rhyme-train, it’s hard to get off.) He definitely had a point, but I believe times have changed, and that there’s mounting evidence to show the Klan aren’t keeping as low-profile as they once were. Just have a look at this car if you think I’m wrong.
Mere chance? I think not. Do you think anyone but a Grand Dragon of the KKK would be happy driving around with that number plate? And on a white car too! Now they’re just getting cocky! How long till they get the pointy, white dunce hoods back on and out into the street? I’m not sure what the ‘121’ part of the plate is meant to mean, but it’s bound to be sinister. Maybe it’s some sort of provocative ‘one-to-one’, mano-a-mano, glove-slapping throwdown to any non-whites passing on by? Chuck, I think we need you and your shovel back bringin’ tha noize now more than ever, you know what I’m sayin'?
I walked past this poster for Australian Idol’s so-called ‘Young Divas’ today, and I double-took so hard I nearly walked into a phone booth.
A touch more 'demon' than 'diva', I think. If your stomach can handle it, click on the link and have a closer look. Is their manager the Joker? He turned beautiful women into foul-faced freaks in the first (proper) Batman movie. Maybe he's at it again? It took me a second to realise what must have occurred to transform these wondrous beauties into the hideous, demented, gargoylish, toxic monstrosities that they appeared as now. I know that poster-pasting people work to a tightly-packed schedule and that when you rush mistakes can happen, but I wonder if there was any mischievous intent to this apparent mistake? If not quite, “Hey, I’ve got an idea,” then maybe, “Ah bugger, look what I’ve done! Should I fix it…? Nah. Hehe.” So good. I couldn't have done a better job in Photoshop. :-)
Well, lightning's struck twice, and this time the Mac mini was plugged into a monitor, so you'll be pleased to hear I was able to get a better quality image. I should point out that this twice-or-possibly-more-in-a-lifetime occurance was on Kate's Mac, which is why there's a Dido cover in there. I was tempted to Photoshop it out, but didn't want to mess with the authenticity of the image. Heaven forbid.
Rejoice! Rejoice with thanksgiving and song! My time of waiting is over!
The iTunes screensaver uses album artwork from your music collection to create a 10x8 grid of ever-changing covers, one of which flips and changes every two seconds or so. It's cool. I made life difficult for myself, however, by noticing that Beck's 'Sea Change' album was a photo of just his head, and that the Dandy Warhols' 'Thirteen Tales From Urban Bohemia' was an image of just a torso. Wouldn't it be great, I thought, if Beck's head sat on Dandy's shoulders?! Wouldn't it?
Well, much staring at the screen ensued. And continued to ensue. Still ensuing, until finally I could take no more. Beck's head was flipping all over the screen, but never onto a deserving set of shoulders. I had a three-head stack of Beck's heads, I had a peeled banana on the Dandy's shoulders, I had seen almost every possible combination but the one I wanted. I finally gave up (as a cunning strategy to then make it happen), and surely, soon enough, Kate gargled out a scream from another room and told me to come running! The impossible had happened. Fortunately, in anticipation, I'd left my camera next to the TV so as to be able to document the moment and provide proof to those who would never believe.
I only had time to click off one shot before Beck's head rotated back into oblivion and the moment was gone. I wasn't too happy with the quality of the image - it's a bit UFO in the night sky over Maffra - but you can get the idea.
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