The Annual Christmas Slurpee Toss 2006.

Few sporting contests can get the cordial flowing in quite the same way as Slurpee Tossing, and with more Tossers than ever before, 2006 was set to be a landmark year. King Tosser Bart’s bluster began early, proclaiming himself the “Tiger Woods of Tossing”, and declaring the “electricity of his performance as more than enough to counter the tedium of yet another certain victory.”

First to the line was Ahab. Dubbed “Captain Spray-hab” by the Anderson St Press after his wild and uncontrolled toss in 2004, and then running last in 2005, Ahab was desperate to deliver. And, giving it his all, he launched his cup over the netball court and onto the dirt on the far side. A very respectable toss.


Next came Cobbies. There’d been much speculation in the media that Cobbies’ all-consuming commitment to his regular Real Estate work had begun to affect his tossing. There was certainly a noticeable increase in the real estate above his belt on Game Day, at any rate. Not that Cobbies appeared to care, proudly displaying his pot belly for all to see, and exhibiting a casual, almost languid, style of tossing that successfully delivered his cup onto the far side of the court, just ahead of Ahab’s.


Next up was Kerry. Though known to many as ‘Bambi’, she showed that beneath her sweet and playful exterior lurks the heart and soul of an animal, as she fired off a soaring shot that was unfortunately more impressive for its height than its length, and landed within the goal circle of the court. Ahab breathed a grateful sigh of relief.


Fourth in line was Bomber ‘Jihad’ Thomas with his maiden appearance at the Toss. More at home on the footy field than the Tossing Pitch of Endeavour, he and his big arms nevertheless brought big expectations to the competition. Despite numerous shoulder-reconstructions he was very relaxed pre-toss (observe the hand in pocket below), and he unleashed a Holy War on his Slurpee cup, landing his shot beyond that of Cobbies and sliding into 1st place.


Next to the line was another maiden Tosser, Alethea, known as The Rookie. Though untested on the Pitch of Endeavour, she exhibited no nerves and her gleeful, hyper-confident smile arguably unhinged a few of her fellow competitors, uncertain of where her supreme self-confidence came from. In a recent newspaper interview, Alethea’s mum revealed her daughter’s enthusiasm came from a simple love for the game she’d so recently been introduced to. Alethea’s toss was a good one, travelling a fair distance across the court and bursting onto the asphalt.


Following Aletha was Steve, who over his years in the game has become a real crowd favourite. Steve believes it’s because he brings a thoughtful, intellectual aspect to the competition, but most commentators believe it’s because he seems to either disqualify or injure himself each year and is always good for a laugh. The only one laughing this year though was Steve himself, who, employing a new Pinch Grip, managed to hurl his cup way over the court and onto the dirt, setting a new PB, and landing for the first time in 1st place! His joy however was to be short-lived.


As King Tosser and Holder of the Soggy Biscuit, Bart held the right to toss last of all. Recently dubbed ‘The Toberua Prancer’ by the Anderson St Press for his “excessive show-boating,” “pungent air of contemptible arrogance,” and “habit of prancing around like a haughty mule,” Bart did his best to prove them right. Putting on a showy display for those assembled, he made his way through an extended warm-up routine that included the removal of a single blade of grass from the line of his run-up. When he eventually got down to business, he unloaded a screamer that tore through the air, cleared the far fence, and thumped down onto the second court, securing the title for one more year.


Below Left: Bart, King Tosser 2006, and Right: self-described as “drinking from the cup of Glory.”


The Final Results (official): 1. Bart; 2. Steve; 3. Bomber Thomas; 4. Cobbies; 5. Ahab; 6. Alethea; 7. Kerry.


Too much Slurpee blogging barely enough?
Keep on Stolping: The First Pour–2003, 2004, 2005
Keep on Tossing: Dawn of Time–2003, 2004, 2005