2012 Fish Balloon Birdbath Cup.

As with my Slurpee-related reports, the 2012 Birdbath write-up has been languishing in my Drafts folder for too long, so I’ll have to keep things short.

The 2012 fixture saw the six competitors divided into two groups. Over three rounds everyone played both opponents in their group. The group winner then played the second-ranked opponent from the other group in a semi-final. The two semi-final winners then met in the grand final. Make sense? 

Let the bottle drop!

GROUP A: Bart, CK, JJ Glamma
GROUP B: Post, Davet, Ahab

ROUND 1
A: Bart v CK (CK wins 5-7)
B: Post v Davet (Davet wins 7-0)

It was the most dramatic opening round in the history of the game as reigning champ Bart fell to the Crocs-wearing CK 5-7 and Davet flattened Post like a pancake 7-0 in what is the first recorded instance of someone failing to score a single point. We have seen two 7-1 results, with Post playing a role in both (mauling Bart in 2007 and Davet in 2008), but this time he was on the receiving end.  

ROUND 2
A: Bart v JJ Glamma (Bart wins 7-2)
B: Post v Ahab (Post wins 8-3)

The two champs were back in form for round two, though, chalking up easy wins against Glamma and Ahab. One highlight was Bart’s attempt to blow the bottle under the bench after it came to rest right on the line. Glamma’s foot ensured he was not successful. 

ROUND 3
A: CK v JJ Glamma (CK retires injured at 6-2. Match abandoned)
B: Davet v Ahab (Davet wins 9-6)

Crocs have never been considered high-performance footwear, and there’s a good reason why. Despite making it through round one unscathed, when CK took on Glamma he managed to stumble and tear off half a toenail, forcing him out of the competition just when he looked to be home at 6-2. Davet and Ahab traded blows to 6 apiece, before Davet knocked home a three-point shot and took the day.

SEMI-FINALS
Bart v Post (Bart wins 8-5)
Davet v JJ Glamma (Davet wins 2-7)

Post battled Bart to 5-all before another game was decided with a 3-point shot and Bart moved into the grand final. With CK’s withdrawal from the competition Glamma got a reprieve and stepped into the semi-final. Davet showed no mercy, however, and dispatched him 2-7.

GRAND FINAL
Davet v Bart (Bart wins 7-1)

Davet’s reward for winning his semi-final was a brief moment to catch his breath before heading straight into the grand final against Bart. He did have one thing in his favour, however. Where Bart’s semi-final had been a real knock-down, drag-out affair—as so often the case when he and Post meet—Davet’s semi had been far less taxing and he was fired up and ready to go. Could that be the difference between vict… nope. Bart took him apart 7-1, claiming the Oath and adding some more plasticware to his cabinet.

Bart, 2012 Keeper of the F'nOath.

FURTHER READING
2011 Fish Balloon Birdbath Cup
2009 Fish Balloon Birdbath Cup
2008 Birdbath Olympic Cup
2007 Birdbath World Cup
A Concise History of All Things FNO
F'nOccer Career Stats

The Annual Christmas Slurpee Toss 2011.

Lord's Cricket Ground. St John's Wood, London. Site of the most sacred strip of sporting turf the world has ever known. Twenty-two yards of hallowed ground, drenched in centuries of sweat, blood and tears, baked in the flames of countless legends being forged... and the most unlikely place you'd expect to find a parked car.

Hahaha. But as if that'd ever happen. I mean, who'd ever park a car on the pitch at Lord's?! Well, they once said the same thing about Fellers Pitch in Templestowe, a strip sacred to all fans of Slurpee tossing. But in 2011 when the tossers all turned up to compete… SHOCK!

But this bunch of tossers is used to overcoming adversity. When the local council tore down their basketball rings, they didn't sit around complaining. They made up a new game: F'nOckey. And when the council bulldozed the F'nOckey court, they adapted the game and F'nOccer was born. And when some sod parked a car bang in the middle of Fellers Pitch, they moved a few steps to the left onto the bricked footpath, and the game was back on. Adaptable.

And what an interesting game it was shaping up to be, as it could well prove to be the second… cog? prong? leg? The second something in Bart's campaign to hold all three Templetitles at once. Having secured Keeper of the F'nOath at the 2011 Fish Balloon Birdbath Cup, he needed only to win the Toss to open the way to challenge for the Master of Demolitions. 

Would he, could he, win the Tos… oh come on. If you've spent any time on here reading these reports you already know he won the Toss. Of course he won the Toss. The odds of him losing are as short as those of finding a Slurpee machine with four working barrels are long. The bigger question is: will he challenge Post for the Master of Demolitions? Does he have the courage to resurrect the sport that nearly put Post in the ground?

We still don't know. He certainly hasn't jumped to it. Maybe he's busy?

Anyway, as we already know the result, and as this post is almost three years late, let’s fly through the others.

First up was Ahab, who was calling it long, hard, early and often. His cup flew straight and true and set a good mark for those to follow.

Then came Bart. His cup drifted to the left but outdistanced Ahab by a good few metres.

Next up was Post, who tonked off a strong toss, possibly a personal best, that came to rest ahead of Ahab, but behind Bart. Same ol', same ol'.  

Glamma stepped up and also achieved a possible personal best, falling short of Ahab by about a metre.

After a strong debut in 2009, Nick missed the Toss of 2010, but was back in 2011, ready to go. He displayed great technique, but lacked the necessary power, and his cup landed just behind Glamma's. 

Last of the men was Davet, who employed the under-arm tossing style first used by Kate in 2004, and also used by young Harper in 2010. Though the style has its critics, Davet's cup travelled far (though somewhat wide), and ended up ahead of everyone but Post and Bart.

Crowned Queen at the inaugural Women's Toss in 2009, and on debut no less, Kirst again stepped up and set a mark that would be hard to beat.

Rookie of the year in 2010, Winter was back for another go. With a smooth motion she hurled her cup forwards and a couple of metres down the path. Another great effort from the youngest competitor at the Toss. 

Final results (official)

MENS: 1. Bart (King); 2. Post (Jack); 3. Davet; 4. Ahab; 5. Glamma; 6. Nick. 

WOMENS: 1. Kirst (Queen); 2. Winter.

Too much Slurpee blogging barely enough?
Keep on Stolping: The First Pour–2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011.
Keep on Tossing: Dawn of Time–2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010.
Keep on Demolishing: The Alpha and the Omega.

The Annual Christmas Stolp 2011.

Well, this one's been stuck in the Drafts folder for over two years, but I owe it to the historians of the future to post something; if only to say that I can't now actually remember anything about the day. Other than it being the first ever stolp for baby Olive! The gathering grows. Here's a nice photo.

On to the Toss!

Too much Slurpee blogging barely enough?
Keep on Stolping: The First Pour–2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010.
Keep on Tossing: Dawn of Time–2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010.
Keep on Demolishing: The Alpha and the Omega.