The Annual Christmas Slurpee Toss 2010.

Slurpee tossing. Doesn't sound like much. Sounds like the sort of thing a bunch of pissed blokes came up with while laying around with too much time on their hands. But for those who each year step foot on that sacred strip of Templestowe asphalt, Slurpee tossing is far more than an idle pursuit. For to toss Slurpees is to engage in that timeless struggle known as competition, and in competition the stakes are high: victory or defeat, glory or humiliation, life in abundance or death.

Sounds like serious business to me.

But serious though it is, Slurpee tossing has so far failed to achieve the wide acceptance of more traditional sports, such as football and cricket. Despite the best efforts of its fans and boosters, Slurpee tossing remains a grass-roots affair.

But the grass has begun to grow.

For in 2010, no less than the municipal council of the cities of Doncaster and Templestowe showed their support for the sport by organising a community barbecue to run in conjunction with the annual Slurpee Toss. "What better way to celebrate the festive season," the mayor possibly said, "than with sausages and Slurpees?" How indeed? And the people agreed, packing the kids and a picnic basket into the car and turning up at the appointed hour in droves. It was exciting stuff.

But when the tossers turned up and saw the crowd waiting to watch them, they weren't excited. If anything, they could only be described as, well… embarrassed! A readiness to toss turned into a stream of excuses: "Ooh, not the best conditions for tossing today, ooh, my back's a bit sore, ooh, I think I left the iron on at home…"

I know, I know. Unbelievable. At last these tossers had the audience they deserved, and yet one by one they all found an excuse to pass. All?

All but one.

While those around him wilted in the glare of a hundred eyes, only Post stayed firm. "I came here to toss," he declared, "and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Will no one join me out here on the pitch?" Disappointingly for those gathered, it looked like no one would, but then from out of the crowd stepped Dashi and Tweak.

Though they'd never tossed a Slurpee before, these two girls were ready to make a competition of this thing. Sure, aged four and two as they were, it wasn't much competition, but unlike the cowering veterans on the sidelines these two were ready to give it a shot, and the Toss was on!


Post elected to go first. Hurling himself down the pitch, he hit the line and sent his cup scorching into space like a fireball. Crashing down on the far side of the court, it was a mark the two 'small cup' competitors would find hard to beat. But what they lacked in size, they made up in heart, as each stepped forward to give it all she had.


Moving easily down the pitch, it was hard to believe Dashi hadn't done this before. With a smooth motion, she sent her cup skyward, but it came to rest only a few metres in front of her. It wouldn't land her the title, but Dashi was rightly proud of her effort nonetheless.


Tweak followed quickly and, employing the same unconventional under-arm style as used by her mother, she launched her cup right into the cameraman crouching just in front of her. A wide grin and a cheeky laugh suggested this might not have been entirely unintentional. Keep your eye on this one.


The title? The title was Post's.


Bart wandered over to shake the King's hand, and was heard to say he was reminded of the 1984 Olympics when America won all the gold because Russia didn't turn up. Perhaps fearing his comments might be seen as sour grapes, he was quick to add, "Although, you know, it was still Olympic gold." Exactly right. All a competitor can do is challenge those willing to compete on the day, and that on this day the victor could have thrown his competition as far as they were able to throw their cups... well, that's not the King's fault. It's still Olympic gold.

The Final Results (official).
1. Post (Toss King); 2. Dashi (The Jack); 3. Tweak.

All considered, it was an impressive debut by the two rookies. They might not have defeated Post, but had they been competing in 2008 they would have bested long-time campaigner Davet, and that's no small thing. The torch — or rather, the icy cup — has definitely been handed to the next generation.

All eyes now turn towards the Birdbath Cup. As Master of Demolitions and now Toss King, can Post reclaim the title of Keeper of the FNOath and realise his dream to hold all three Templetitles at once? Only time, and this blog, will tell.

See you at the Birdbath!

Too much Slurpee blogging barely enough?
Keep on Stolping: The First Pour–2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010.
Keep on Tossing: Dawn of Time–2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009.
Keep on Demolishing: The Alpha and the Omega.

The Annual Christmas Stolp 2010.

My word. It's the end of March and I still haven't posted this. Sigh. It's customary to write a few words to mark the occasion, but at this rate if I start now I probably still won't be done by the time the 2011 Stolp comes around. Suffice to say, it's always a pleasure stolping with the old crew, and 2010 was no exception. See you again soon.


Too much Slurpee blogging barely enough?
Keep on Stolping: The First Pour–2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009.
Keep on Tossing: Dawn of Time–2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010.
Keep on Demolishing: The Alpha and the Omega.