A grand Final.

A few random thoughts concerning the 2006 AFL Grand Final (The Battle of the Birds).

• I'm not that into football, but thought it was a cracker of a match. A friend who doesn’t like football at all (and who was unaware that the Grand Final was even on) popped in, and ended up watching the last quarter, which (to her surprise) she really enjoyed. “If football was always this good,” she said, “I’d watch it all the time!” Shame the Swans didn’t win, but the real winner was Football, yeah?! Course it was. I don’t like going for Sydney, but they have a greater connection to Melbourne than West Coast, and how else do you expect me to decide which team to go for? :-)

• So, what about the pre-game entertainment? Was that good as well? After reading the blurb in the Green Guide beforehand, my expectations were pretty high: “Join Stephen Quartermain for all of the spectacle of the greatest pre-match entertainment ever seen at an AFL Grand Final”. Wow! Strap yourself in! But, needless to say, in the end the only thing “spectacular” about the entertainment was its level of mediocrity.

• I have absolutely no experience in organising pre-game entertainment, but I reckon I could organise a more satisfying show than what was on display. And the first thing to go would be back-up singers. I’ve always hated back-up singers, with their lame synchronised gestures and stepping-on-the-spot dance moves, and up on the podium in their evening-wear, waving coloured scarves, they looked even more ridiculous than ever. Of course, it didn’t help that they were singing the West Coast club song; surely one of the worst ever? "We're the Big Birds"? Um, ok.

• And speaking of ridiculous, Channel Ten is a disgrace and they should have their broadcast rights stripped for not only once again inflicting the Australian Idol finalists on us, but for delivering a one-two knock-out blow by following up with the alleged Young Divas, who, to me, were totally inappropriate and totally out of place. Using them is like scavenging through your attic for Christmas presents for your family because you’re too cheap or lazy to get something better. And what percentage of the audience do you think would be diggin’ the Divas? I’d take a punt on not many. Surely, first and foremost - if not exclusively - the AFL should try to please its core audience: the Aussie Male, in all his Footy-Loving, Hard-Rockin’, Beer-Drenched glory. I mean, aren’t Wolfmother around for the ARIAs? (Also on Ten, actually, so there's a missed opportunity for cross-promotion!) Couldn’t they have popped in for a quick gig? And surely Jet wouldn’t mind playing for a bit of publicity now that their new album is in stores?

• I don’t know.

• Anyway, speaking of footy’s core audience, during the interminable motorcade of heroes, I noticed one superstar’s name on the side of his vehicle was Danyle Pearce. Not how I'd choose to spell 'Daniel', but there you go.

• Also, a word of advice: if you have a fully-catered 30th Birthday Do to attend the evening of the Grand Final, don't eat too many pies during the day. You will pay.

• In addition, I just finished watching the NRL Grand Final. What a stupid, stupid game.