Krusty Kreme.

Just got swept up in a cultural phenomenon, and dumped on a deserted beach, washed-out and wasted, like some bedraggled shipwreck survivor.

Yep, Krispy Kreme’ll do that to you.

So sweet, light and soft; they melt in your mouth like, well, like a sugar cube does. I wonder if there’s any connection? My mouth feels like some scorched, sugary wasteland; like a dead sea of sugar that’s run dry, leaving nothing behind but the bitter taste of regret. Too much, too much; but one donut is never enough.

For some reason I can’t work out, the first Krispy Kreme store to open in Victoria was way, way out at Fountain Gate. I’m sure the locals are mad for sugar out there, but I would have thought you’d do more business in the city? There must be other factors at work I’m not aware of? Whatever the case, a CBD store was not far behind, opening recently on Collins Street near Southern Cross Station.

This afternoon Nick, my boss, floated the idea of heading over to check things out. A trip out for sweet, sweet donuts during work time, you say? What crazy, upside-down, dream world have I woken up in? Brilliant. So, off we went, and once there, discovered a queue running out the door and down the street! Trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible (not wanting to be sprung queuing for donuts by any clients), we slowly shuffled forward to the counter, where we picked up a Sampler Box and a dozen Original Glazed donuts. Oh, sorry, ‘doughnuts’. (How’d that one sneak through the reforms? Noah Webster must be doing donuts in his grave!)

Once back at the studio, everyone gathered round and dug in, but, as with my first and only other experience of Krispy Kreme in New York in 2004, I was a little disappointed. You won’t believe this, but they were still just donuts! I mean, they were good, but not out-the-door-and-down-the-street-queuing type good; more of a yeah-if-I-was-walking-past type good, I think. Still just a victim of too much hype, I guess; too many years of too many freaks flying back from Sydney with box-loads under their arms, drooling over their precious haul like it was manna from heaven.

Still, this time it was fun snobbing everyone off by declaring that these Krispy Kreme’s were merely satisfactory, and simply nothing like the ones I’d had in America. He, he.

UPDATE: I just checked Krispy Kreme's entry on Wikipedia, where it says since the company went public, many stores have actually had to be closed due to unprofitability. "Though Krispy Kreme has blamed the low-carb diet craze," it says, "others more critical point to their relatively high prices for a product that consists mostly of air." Hilarious. Oh, and also, apparently Australia's the only place to have 24-hour drive-through service; so Americans might have 29 tasty varieties to choose from (in comparison to our paltry 15), but can they get them 24 hours a day? I think not! :-)