Telling Whoppers.

I WAS DRIVING ... PAST HUNGRY JACK'S.

I FELT MY HUNGER ... BURN WITHIN.

I PULLED INTO ... THE DRIVE-THROUGH,

AND ORDERED ARGUABLY THE MOST RIDICULOUS MOVIE TIE-IN PRODUCT ...

EVER!

THE ...

DARK WHOPPER!



The burgers might be better, but the advertising's rubbish! Glory, what were they thinking? When it played before The Dark Knight most of the cinema burst out laughing. That can't be a good sign.

But I guess they're laughing now, aren't they? Because I bought one. I guess I just couldn't help myself. I just had to know. Was the burger made from human flesh, perhaps? Or worse, lamb's fry? Was it somehow, slightly, even remotely, in any way, even conceptually, dark?

No.

Course not! Stupid. It was just a bog-standard hamburger with no discernible difference to any other I've eaten before! I had to go and look up what the differences were and discovered, get this, that it had barbeque sauce instead of ketchup, and no ... PICKLES! Oh, the humanity! Oh, the dark depths of my wicked, inky soul! NO PICKLES! Personally I love pickles, but I understand I'm in a micro-minority. Wouldn't it have been more iniquitous to have packed it with nothing but pickles?! Or is that TOO DARK?! Step back from the abyss, young one. Man was not meant to travel that far!

Dark Whopper.

Hmpprrppp.