Star Wars on Trial.

I've recently finished reading a most enjoyable if somewhat disheartening book called Star Wars on Trial. The book takes the form of a courtroom trial, with prominent Science Fiction and Fantasy authors arguing a range of charges as members for the prosecution or defense.

There are eight charges in total, examples of which include: "The politics of Star Wars are anti-democratic and elitest," "Science Fiction filmmaking has been reduced by Star Wars to poorly written Special Effects Extravaganzas," "Women in Star Wars are portrayed as fundamentally weak," and "The plot holes and logical gaps in Star Wars make it ill-suited for an intelligent viewer."

This last charge is argued for the prosecution by Nick Mamatas in his statement to the court entitled, "Laziness Leads to Sloth, Sloth to Incompetence, Incompetence to Stupidity, and Stupidity to the Dark Side of the Force." Mamatas slams the state of contemporary SF/F filmmaking, arguing that the unparalleled success of Star Wars has ushered in an era of effects-driven blockbusters where the story is nothing more than a tool for a CGI-workout. This bias towards special effects over script development has meant that SF/F films have increasingly become "unbearably stupid." He continues:

"Indeed, going to see a science fiction or fantasy movie these days is not dissimilar to attending an extended performance art piece which involves several gorgeous people, all in wonderful if somewhat tasteless costume, wheeling a wheelbarrow full of raw, rancid bacon onto a stage. Handed pitchforks by the sequined-spangled assistants, the costumed beauties grab hold tightly of the handles, stick the spears of the forks into the wheelbarrows, and then fling the rancid bacon at the audience, all while screaming, "Eat it! Eat it, you stupid pigs! You morons love it!" The audience leaps to action, scrambling along the aisles and trying to grab up and shove as much of the foul bacon into their fat mouths as they can, stopping only to look up at the performers, point to their stuffed cheeks and mumble through tangles and blobs of rancid meat, "Yuth yuth ah fuff ith!" The stars sneer and howl, "That's right, you jowly bastards, gobble it up, and crap yourselves in glee!" When the meat runs out, the show is over."

I love it! Spot on. Hollywood churns out an endless run of cheeseburgers that somehow manage to smash box office record after record. It's mystifying. Look, I don't want to be the guy who asks why my fellow man seems so satisfied with cheeseburgers... but why is my fellow man so satisfied with cheeseburgers?! Because while the megabucks are pourin' in, it's not going to stop. They'll use a few ideas jotted down on a paper serviette for the script, and pour millions into the special effects because planet-shaking explosions, exotic aliens from a thousand different worlds, and mystical knights with laser swords back-flipping all over the screen are WAY COOL and will make for an AWESOME-looking preview that'll WOW consumers into the nearest box office queue in seconds! Hooray!

Mamatas' final word on the subject is:

"Take the bacon out of your mouths, boys and girls, and let's show Hollywood that we're not going to be fooled by well-cut trailers and nostalgia for our eight-year-old selves anymore. When you see a movie you think might be okay, but is probably going to suck as much as Star Wars, just stay home.
Repeat after me!
"Just stay home!"
"Just stay home!"
"Just stay home!"

Just stay home, and when the only records being set are those for low attendance, maybe we'll get a few more SF/F films where the effects help tell the story, and aren't the story.

On a related note, if you're in the mood for a good whinge about Star Wars, pop on over to Chef Elf's 'Reasons to Hate the Prequels.' Again, it's a depressing read, but an entertaining one, nonetheless. Don't bother going to the 'Star Wars on Trial' discussion board, as it seems to have been overrun by spamers (possibly from Kamino.)