Monday, August 28, 2006

A Grate Read.

I just happened to pick up and glance through the ‘2006 Books Alive Great Read Guide’ which claims to contain “50 books so good, everyone will want to read them.” Ok, well let’s test that by selecting a sample at random… hmm, what about this one on page 12: ‘The Omega Scroll’ by Adrian d’Hage?
'A DYNAMITE ADVENTURE ABOUT THE VATICAN’S BIGGEST FEAR'

“A ruthless cardinal who’ll stop at nothing to become the next pope, missing nuclear suitcase bombs, an ancient scroll with a terrible warning for humanity – this book has it all.”
Woah! It certainly does; including the plots of at least four other books! The only thing I can think of that’s missing is a ‘dangerous and torrid love affair’. And ninjas, of course. Every story needs ninjas. The blurb continues:
”As a journalist, an archaeologist and Vatican investigators race against time to unlock the secrets of a Dead Sea Scroll that has remained hidden for 2000 years, a CIA agent attempts to track down the nuclear devices. The stakes couldn’t be higher.”
And the connection between those two plot threads couldn’t be more unclear. Are they actually related? Or are they just too good not to have crammed in there? Talk about write-by-numbers. What a contemptible pool of dribble. Kate and I sat down and tried to top Mr d’Hage for ridiculousness, but soon gave up realising it was a near-impossible task. It’s not easy to parody something that already is one.

Who’d even consider reading this rubbish?!
"For fans of The Da Vinci Code, this is a must-read book."
Aah. Of course. Sorry, Books Alive, but your credibility and that of your "independent panel of book industry experts" is as flimsy as The Omega Scroll’s disconnected plots. No amount of stirring endorsements from Aussie Steve Waugh or TV's Andrew Daddo will get me reading this crap. See you in 2007.

10 comments:

  1. Holy crap.

    This was mildly amusing on the face of it, but upon clicking through and finding out that this reading list is the product of a government-sponsored initiative... I think we're well past the point of satire here.

    I mean - to apply the PJ O'Rourke litmus test of whether something should be government-funded - should we really be taking money at gunpoint from our grandmothers in order to spruik apocalyptic potboiler fiction?

    ReplyDelete
  2. For those of you know know me, I am sure you will all be suprised that in the past two weeks I read three books... yes count them out... and none of them had pictures...

    I actually ran out of reading and had to buy one in Fiji, which was crap, so it was hanballed to Liv, and picked another one up at the airport...

    But this is when glossy pictures over took me again... Grabbed three surf mags on the way home ;-)

    Anyway I now have two books on the go. It is the new me!

    Need to catch the optometrist however... damn small print. I think this is how I sold my Kidney...

    ReplyDelete
  3. JJ - So are you opposed to any government-based initiative to encourage people to read, or just ones that include shameless Dan Brown rip-offs?

    Bomber - I am somewhat surprised, I must admit. Dare I ask, were any of those books biographies of football players? :-) If no, what are they?

    I'm currently reading the final Star Wars book in the New Jedi Order series, which is pretty good, but has one golden chapter that elevates it higher than it otherwise would have gone. I'm also reading 'A History of the Twentieth Century, Volume 1' by Martin Gilbert which is brilliant, but large enough to kill a yak. Hence the conveniently sized Star Wars book for the train.

    ReplyDelete
  4. JJ - So are you opposed to any government-based initiative ...

    As a rule, yes.

    ... to encourage people to read,

    I probably wouldn't need all that much persuading that the companion program - the one directed at encouraging children to read - is a good thing.

    or just ones that include shameless Dan Brown rip-offs?

    I guess it comes down to whether or not you think that a lack of adults who read for pleasure is a social problem worthy of having Granny's money spent on it.

    I'm not actually convinced that someone who spends their spare time reading Don't Tell My Mother I Work On The Rigs - She Thinks I Play Piano In A Whorehouse is necessarily a better citizen than one who spends their spare time watching Bleak House.

    It seems to me that the program in question seems to be all about reinforcing some tired old upper middle class myths about books and reading; such as:

    a) It is vital to Australian culture that we have a domestic publishing industry.

    b) Somehow, goal (a) is served by Brigadier d'Hage and John Birmingham producing ripoffs^W homages to the likes of Brown or Harry Turtledove - but, of course, in a 'uniquely Australian voice'.

    c) People who read for pleasure are superior to those who don't.

    etc.

    I suppose that you could posit that a hypothetical government program might be better than this one. The nature of government, I would argue, suggests otherwise.

    Certainly the Angus & Robertson '100 Books' promotion would appear to be far better - in any imaginable sense - than this particular guide.

    I'm currently reading the final Star Wars book in the New Jedi Order series, which is pretty good, but has one golden chapter that elevates it higher than it otherwise would have gone.

    I'm up to page 486, and so far it seems to be just standard series wrap-up stuff. Dotting of i's, crossing of t's, shock revelations, mysteries explained, and so forth...

    Oh wait, I think I know the bit you mean... Althouigh it's a shame Luceno made it explicit, I thought; I'd already figured out who he was.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bombers Books;

    Porno - Irving Welsh - Next installment from those crazy train spotting guys... Written in a scottish accent which made it very difficult to understand, but the structure and twist at the end was very good. Lots of rooting... gives it a big plus.

    A book of short stories extracted from surfing publications. Some were good, others not so good. Good plane reading.

    Da Vinchi Code - Dan Brown... the original... I had not read it. Was wondering what all the fuss was about. I was told you can just pump through it so it was good for holidays, and I would have to concur. Got bored for a bit, but came good in the end.

    Bought one at the airport in Bris Vegas called 'the life of PI'. Story about a young man who shares a life raft with a Zebra with a broken leg, Monkey and a Tiger. Was kinda quirky so I thought I would give it a once over. I like books which can be a little left of field. Havn't started it yet.

    Currently looking at the 'Life and Times of Michael Peterson' 1970's surfing champ who kinda dropped out of society. Biography, quite interesting. Had a great Mo in his day.

    No footballers biographies, they are boring... what did they do to write a book. Played footy. Like many sports persons stories... they were good at running... and not much else.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I guess it comes down to whether or not you think that a lack of adults who read for pleasure is a social problem worthy of having Granny's money spent on it.

    Triple JJ: I can't believe you seem to be saying the aim of this catalogue is to tackle social problems! Surely it's about sustaining the national economy?

    Certainly the Angus & Robertson '100 Books' promotion would appear to be far better...

    I agree, even though it had, what, all the Dan Brown books in it? Certainly a number of them. And the omission of Catch-22 was a CRIME! A crime, I tell you.

    I'm up to page 486, and so far it seems to be just standard series wrap-up stuff.

    By a dewback's nose! I'm up to 470, and yes, you're right. (Like that 'dewback' metaphor? Don't tell me I couldn't write SW fiction!) Maybe I'd downgrade my rating from 'pretty good' to 'ok'. It's no Zahn/Stackpole/Allston magic, and the Force stuff's left me mostly confused, but I haven't been bored.

    My disappointment with mystery man was that his appearance was all too brief! I'm desperate for a solid chunk of non-Lucas penned content featuring, er... that character. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. No footballers biographies, they are boring... what did they do to write a book. Played footy. Like many sports persons stories... they were good at running... and not much else.

    Bomber - Haha, but likewise, aren't surfers just really good at standing up? :-)

    And 'Life of Pi' sounds intriguing. Let me know if there's any rooting in it, won't you? But actually let me know what you think of it when you get into it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Surfers biographies are a bit different as there is stacks and stacks of world travel, exposure to different cultures etc... plus the drug and substance abuse, epecially in the 70's and 80's which make very interesting reads.

    The reason MP's read is so good is because he lost the plot, big time. Usually when things go wrong, the read is better than lots of happy shiney people.

    ReplyDelete
  9. ...stacks of world travel, exposure to different cultures etc... plus the drug and substance abuse, epecially in the 70's and 80's which make very interesting reads.

    Sounds like what I imagine a cricketer's bio would be like as well, and with with cricketers (well with one at least) you'd be guaranteed to get plenty of your desired "rooting".

    (Alright, that's enough rooting for one thread.) :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Bomber, I went to Amazon to look up 'Life of Pi' and saw that "Customers who bought this item also bought:" The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, which is a book I loved. Certainly disabused me of my romantic notions of autism. Then today I was visiting the friend who lent me that book and discovered she also had (and had enjoyed) 'Pi'. So I borrowed that too. We could start a book club! Although I'm not sure how I'd go with books about surfing. But maybe that's the point? Open yourself to new experiences. As long as they don't involve crack cocaine.

    ReplyDelete