The tram driver leaped from his stationary tram and bolted across the road towards me, narrowly being missed by a car as it sped through the intersection. He flew down the footpath, jagged to his right, and skidded into one of those old-style, phone box-sized urinals dotted throughout the city. Sometimes when you gotta go, you really gotta go.
Now, I catch trams up Swanston Street all the time, so I’m used to seeing tram drivers making for the facilities. Many’s the time I’ve been late for work and I’ve had to sit watching as the driver wanders off to the little building at the intersection of Swanston and Victoria, only to return once we’ve missed at least one cycle of lights.
But here’s the issue. This tram wasn’t at the intersection of Swanston and Victoria. It was the next stop along. Not the usual spot for a pitstop. There is a toilet there, but it’s hidden around the corner, and certainly not in sight of those on the tram.
I think there’s a finite number of likely reasons for your driver to suddenly flee his or her tram, with the most likely made less likely as you’ve just passed the normal spot. Given my own near-brush with tram-bound terrorism, I could easily imagine myself leaping to conclusions before frantically leaping from the vehicle.
There was no panic on the tram, however, no-one screaming, no-one hurling women and children behind them as they lunged for the doors. No-one looked alarmed, or even particularly alert actually. Maybe he’d made an announcement beforehand, “Sorry folks, I thought I was right back there, but wouldn’t you know it? So if you can just bear with me…”
I guess I’ll never know. And life in Melbourne went back to normal.
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At the risk of taking this piece of whimsy far too seriously, I am obliged to note that your probability estimates of the likely reasons for the driver's mad dash from his cabin are based on only on what you saw.
ReplyDeleteThe passengers on the tram, however, would have seen or heard whatever the driver saw and heard immediately before he jumped; so if he had de-trammed because of something suspicious, the passengers would have known what inspired the action.
More to the point, if he had seen or heard nothing to alarm him, the passengers would not have either - and thus would have more than enough information to reach the correct conclusion as to the motivation for his dash.
At the risk of taking it far too seriously? Mate, you’ve moved right on in to Seriousville, bought some land, built a house, found a wife, raised some kids, and are now thinking about how to best spend your retirement. Or something. Not quite sure where I was going with that one.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, at the risk of biting… Of course my estimates were based on what I saw. Never did I say, “Here’s an accurate record of everything that happened from every possible perspective, and I even interviewed some of the people from the tram as well so I know it’s right.” I even speculated on a possible announcement the driver could have made to explain the calm state on-board.
And as for the passengers being able to see or hear whatever the driver saw or heard: what if he’d looked under his seat and seen a suspicious bag, or even - if I can be dramatic - a glowing, digital timer silently counting its way down to 00:00! The passengers wouldn’t see or hear that, and the driver’d be out of there in a flash without taking the time to explain the situation to those on-board. And of course there’s always the possibility that THE DRIVER HIMSELF is a terrorist who has planted a bomb and is now fleeing the scene to save himself, just like the pilots in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, except, of course, they were flying a plane, not driving a tram. Which would have been much less dramatic for an opener.
I even speculated on a possible announcement the driver could have made to explain the calm state on-board.
ReplyDeleteMy point being, no announcement would have been necessary to explain the calm state on board.
There are - as you say - a few (remotely) possible scenarios in which the driver would be aware of a dangerous situation but not choose to inform the passengers.
The two you chose, however, are particularly unlikely. The first because it contradicts Evil Overlord Rule #15; the second because being a passenger provides a much better means of getting an anti-personnel bomb onto a tram than being a driver does. (although come to think of it, being a ticket inspector has possibilities...)
Not to mention that in both your examples the bomb is in the driver's cabin, where it will do less damage than just about anywhere else in the tram. Granted, terrorists are not usually the brightest bulbs in the Christmas tree, but still...
Far more common, (certainly in my daily life) is to pass up and opportunity to spend a penny, due to underestimating the time remaining before the next call of nature; followed soon after by a hasty reassesment of said decision.
I'd certainly understand if a tram driver found himself in this predicament; I would also sincerely appreciate not being informed about it, and so would not expect it to be announced. (Unless the tram driver was one of those people like Tim's desk mate in the Christmas episodes of The Office, of course.)
My point being, no announcement would have been necessary to explain the calm state on board.
ReplyDeleteOk, but my whole point being that in these troubled, troubled times, JJ, seeing your driver fleeing your tram could cause you to jump to conclusions that you otherwise may not.
The two you chose, however, are particularly unlikely.
Unlikely, you say? The Evil Overlord list exists precisely because these scenarios are all too common! And if we’re using the List as our benchmark, I think my scenarios are much more likely than something as straightforward and mundane as someone clambering onto a tram with explosives in a bag or strapped to their chest.
Not to mention that in both your examples the bomb is in the driver's cabin, where it will do less damage than just about anywhere else in the tram.
Why are you assuming the passengers are the target? How pedestrian! Think big! Clearly Transurban is attempting to create a shortage of tram drivers, so as to cripple the tram network and force people back into their cars and onto tollways!