Of microwaves and materials

This article appeared on ABC News Online on the 20 October 2005.

Blind woman dies in microwave fire mishap
An elderly blind woman has died after she accidentally set her self on fire near Newcastle on the New South Wales central coast yesterday. Police spokeswoman Joanne Elliott says it is believed the 86-year-old put clothes in a microwave oven. "The lady has put some clothes in the microwave oven, they've caught fire and as best we can tell she's taken them out of the oven, her nightwear then caught on fire," she said. The woman suffered extensive burns and died at the scene. A report is being prepared for the coroner.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/australia/nsw/newcastle/
200510/s1486316.htm

Without wanting to minimise this tragedy, it did bring to mind my own brush with microwaves and materials, as recorded in The Qualey Journals: The Life and Times of Dam Qualey, and others.

"Bart slightly tore the lateral ligament in his knee, and so he went to the doctor. The doctor told him to wrap a warm towel around his knee as this would increase the blood flow, thus decreasing healing time. Naturally, Bart assumed that the best way to warm the towel would be to place it in a microwave. Someone else’s microwave. And as we were at my house, my microwave. I was hesitant, and a bit sceptical that microwaves had been designed with this use in mind, but eventually I relented. As Bart said, “What could happen?!”
     I left him to it and went back to the movie that we were watching in another room. Bart followed soon after. Ten minutes later I quickly ducked back into the kitchen to refill my drink, and smelled the smell of something burning. Something burning in the microwave.
     “BART!” I yelled, “Your towel’s on fire!!” “Ha, ha,” was his disbelieving reply, as he ambled out of the dining room and into the kitchen. Upon realising I was serious he made all speed to the microwave and opened the door. Smoke billowed out. My eyes watered, my throat constricted, and I got down low to go, go, go!
     Once the smoke had dispersed - with much opening of doors and windows, much operating of ceiling fans, and much frantic waving of hands - we all sat to ponder Bart’s level of intelligence. How had he fooled us all these years? I was then further stunned by Bart’s whimper of “My towel…”. YOUR TOWEL?!! WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID FOSSEY’S PINK PANTHER TOWEL? YOU ALMOST INCINERATED MY MICROWAVE!!!
     Bart removed the smouldering, ashy, ember-covered towel, (a towel, it was later revealed, that actually belonged to James), and displayed it for all to see. Bart was incredulous that this had occurred. I mean, he had taken all possible precautions while placing a bone-dry towel into a machine that works by heating water molecules. To get the towel to just the right temperature, he had followed a logical progression in power output versus time of operation: 1 minute at 80W, 1 minute at 150W, 8 minutes on 450W!!! I mean, just what had gone wrong???
     His explanation was that he “thought it worked like an oven”. WORKED LIKE AN OVEN? What would be so revolutionary about a little oven? How did he account for the decrease in time taken for cooking food if it “worked like an oven”? Why would there be separate microwave and oven instructions on food packets if they worked following the same principles? They wouldn’t be called Microwaves if that was the case; they’d be called Little Ovens!
     But in the end Steve was happy. He may have almost lost a microwave, but he’d gained a priceless gem for 'The Qualey Journals' and Bart’s 21st speech."