Happy Star Wars (tm) Day 2009.

Happy Star Wars (tm) Day everyone. May the Fourth be with you.

I guess.

Getting pretty hard to muster up much enthusiasm for Star Wars (tm) Day these days. Especially when Uncle George keeps revealing the swamp is deeper than I ever thought possible:


Sigh. This must be what Luke felt like on Cloud City. Freefalling into oblivion… and just when you think you’re at the bottom, a trapdoor opens up and the descent begins again.

I guess we can always pretend like it’s 1983 and the Classic Trilogy is all there is and all we’ll ever need? Sure, Jedi's got some problems, but nothing on par with the Prequels, right?

Enter Dan Vebber and Dana Gould's essay from The Unauthorized Star Wars Compendium, entitled ‘50 Reasons Why Return of the Jedi Sucks'. Written back in 1997 before the Prequels hulked along, I only came across it the other day, and I've got to say, it knee-capped any kind of defence I might have once been inclined to mount on Jedi’s behalf.

All the 50 reasons are telling, but of particular note is this point from Reason 1:

"But aside from what we see onscreen, the Ewoks are miserable little creatures for a completely different reason: they are the single clearest example of Lucas' willingness to compromise the integrity of his Trilogy in favor of merchandising dollars. How intensely were the Ewoks marketed? Consider this: "Ewok" is a household word, despite the fact that it's never once spoken in the film.

Indeed. Reason 9 [ The Forest Battle on Endor ] brought back some bad memories. Contrary to what they write...

"Happily, audiences have always responded to the stupidity of this imbalance: in screening after screening, the Ewok's groaning demise is typically met with more cheers and applause than the destruction of the Death Star."

…my experience was considerably different. Back in 1997, a group of friends and I attended a screening of the Jedi SE, hosted by the Star Wars Appreciation Society. Thinking we were among friends, we applauded and cheered loudly as an AT-ST barbecued the seemingly lone Ewok victim, but to our great shock we were booed, branded “nasty” and told to keep quiet! What?! We’re Star Wars fans, aren’t we? We hate Ewoks! Apparently not. My membership lapsed soon after.

Oh and, of course, impossible to argue with Reason 20:

[ Boba Fett's Death ]

Although I would have listed it higher. :)

Oh well, we’ll always have Empire.

UPDATE
Updated to include co-author credit and original source of essay, as brought to my attention in comments on original link. Interestingly, the archived piece the commenter links to includes 'Ten Reasons Why Jedi Doesn't Totally Suck', which makes for a nice positive little tie-off at the end. I'd agree with the ten points, except for their praise of Ian McDiarmid as the Emperor. I always thought he overacted the role, verging on caricature at times. And it was a thought emphatically confirmed when he reprised the role in the Prequels. Glory, that awful, awful scene where he fried his face with his lightning, I thought I was going to laugh. I hate, hate, hate, that scene. Forget the idea of the dark side working insidiously, eating away from the inside and corrupting over time. Nah, let's just do it in one take! Palpy's makeover from hell... up next! Rubbish.

Oh, I also chopped out a line about the essay being published on the eve of Phantom Menace's release. Because the authors spoke of their hopes for the "new films", I guess I assumed it was pre-Prequels (don't get any ideas, Lucas), and got my dates all muddled up. Thanks to Glamma for pointing out the error.

UPDATE 2
Ok, Take 3. Glamma's come back to me again – I think he's doing this on purpose – and pointed out that I may have been right all along. The essay mentions it's been nearly 14 years since Jedi's release, which suggests that it was written in 1997, and hence pre-Prequel. The 2001 date is presumably when it was first published online. So there you go. Hope that's cleared things up for everyone.