Bulky as a Hummer and featuring machine gun barrel-style ventilation on top of the outer sleeve, it's also emblazoned with Apache motifs! Apaches! (Actual Apache motifs unable to be seen in this photo, which I probably should have considered when composing it. Annoying. Oh well, can't be bothered retaking the photo now, so you'll just have to believe me.)
Haven't got around to applying the Invisible Shield yet, because I need to watch the instructional video first. Although, since it arrived, I've been given reason to wonder whether I actually need it at all. For you see, it seems my tough-as-nuts little iPhone is quite able to look after itself.
Allow me to illustrate.
Winter loves her bath. So much so that getting her out can be quite a challenge. Any suggestion that bath time is about to conclude is met with a resolute, "No. Stay in bath little bit longer." A little bit longer later however, and she's no more ready to get out, simply restating her intent to "Stay in bath little bit longer." Trying to problem-solve creatively, I decided to use a countdown timer in the hope that this might help her to understand something as abstract as a limited block of time.
I made the mistake, however, of using a two-buck plastic timer with an alarm like a wailing poltergeist jangling its chains in a drawer full of cutlery. So alarmed was Winter on hearing it that she burst into tears. A new approach was needed. I remembered that the iPhone had a large countdown timer and a pleasing selection of sound effects that could alert without raising the dead. I went with a novelty "boing" type alarm, which I played to Winter so she knew what to listen for, and then I set the timer counting down from five minutes.
Boiiiiing.
I held the iPhone up and as planned (as hoped), up rose Winter as well. Yes! As I stood to lift her out, however, I suddenly realised a problem: I had nowhere to put my phone. Normally during bathtimes I take off my watch and place it on the floor next to me, so as not to get it wet. But on this day, as my iPhone was not in my right pocket where it usually lives, I'd gone and put my watch in there instead. Protective as I am of my iPhone's pristine condition, I couldn't now put my phone in there as well, without risking its glass face against the metal edges of the watch. I couldn't put it in my left pocket for the same reason, as that's where I keep my keys. I couldn't put it on the floor, as the chance of Winter splashing water all over it as she got out was too high. And so, wanting to act before she sensed my hesitation and sat down again, I made a snap decision and slipped it into my shirt pocket. Then, remaining carefully upright, I lifted Winter from the bath and carried her from the room. Done.
Returning to the bathroom some time later, I noticed that the water was still in bath. "Better take care of that," I thought. As I lent over to pull out the plug, I felt a weight shift in my shirt pocket and, as realisation struck, time ground to a crawl and I watched in horror as my precious hydrophobic device plunged into the water. Faster than an Alien's inner jaw my hand shot after it and in one swift motion before it even came to rest, I gripped the iPhone and hoisted it back into the air.
Fighting a rising panic, I cleared the iPhone's airways and checked for signs of life. And the signs appeared to be... good! It went in and out of Airplane Mode (which is common after a watery dip, apparently), but otherwise it seemed to be just fine! I called Nee Hancock to test it, but he advised me to power it down at once and put it out to dry.
The Internet was, as ever, both incredibly helpful and entirely useless, as each remedial suggestion was subsequently denounced by others as likely to bring on not only massive system failure but arguably the End Times as well. I tried to find a sensible middle ground that avoided ovens, hairdryers or sacrificing a virgin goat, and ended up laying the dormant device on a bed of rice in an air-tight container. (Rice absorbs ambient moisture, you see.) I then placed the container in a warm, dry spot on a shelf, safe from curious little hands, and settled down to play the waiting game.
The waiting game sucked, but finally the day to roll away the stone arrived. I lifted the phone from its tomb and nervously powered it on.
All good!
Everything seemed to be working as it should, with no noticeable effects. Incredible! Scarcely able to believe my luck, I thanked the makers at Apple, ran through a series of diagnostic tests, and then got on getting on with life. Now, a number of months later, I've all but forgotten my iPhone's little splash with death, and as you would expect now the bugger's insured, the gravest threat it's faced has been the scourge of fingerprints! And long may it be so. "Long" here meaning however long it is until the iPhone 3G's successor is released, of course, at which time any unfortunate accidents that shuffle the old model off to silicon heaven will be welcomed with songs of thanksgiving and praise.
UPDATE
So, it seems the fears that led to all this were unfounded. Nee Hancock informs me that iPhone has highly scratch-resistant tempered glass on its face, as was demonstrated to him by an Apple Genius who went to work on the face of a faulty model with a set of keys; all to no effect! Oh well, fortune favours the cautious, or something. As an aside, I can't stand that title, Apple Genius. It's so wildly disproportionate to the service they actually provide it's laughable. It's like calling them the Apple Awesomes. Ridiculous.
UPDATE 2
Alriiiight, here's your Apache logo photo. Two instances of many. No digital life is safe without Apaches!
UPDATE 3
Well, two years down, I'm out of contract, have upgraded to iPhone 4, and my little aqua-lovin' 3G is still going strong. I've handed it down to my two girls, four and two, as their own little gaming machine, so let's see if it can survive that. :)
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