Zackers v Messerschmitts.

Since 2007 I have honoured the ANZAC spirit as defined by the AFL — skill, courage, self-sacrifice, teamwork and fair play — by composing a List of all 16 teams, ordered from Most Virtuous to Most Odious.

And now the tradition continues as the List is tested once again on the Field of Battle. Will it emerge unscathed and unchanged, or beaten into some new and unrecognisable form?

Charge!

Richmond
Melbourne
St Kilda
Geelong
Western Bulldogs
Essendon
North Melbourne
Sydney
Adelaide
Hawthorn
Fremantle
Carlton
Collingwood
Brisbane Lions
West Coast
Port Adelaide

Post-battle wrap-up: Well, the biggest change was Port thumping to the bottom of the list, mostly because they still have teal as a team colour. I hate teal. I'm surprised they ranked so high last year. And also because of Warren Tredrea, although I can't quite put my finger on why? The other big change was the North of Somewhere Kangaroos deciding they were still only North of Melbourne, and so in appreciation they got bumped up above Sydney. Oh, and Adelaide got elevated to above Hawthorn because the city of Adelaide's really not so bad, and I really like crows and seriously Hawthorn, yellow and brown, hello, who thought that was a good idea?

Harlow Be Thy Name.

My sister emailed me a little while back to ask if I knew that Nicole Richie had named her newly arrived daughter Harlow Winter Kate? Happily the answer was 'no', as I do try to keep myself unencumbered by any awareness of the goings on in the life of Ms Richie. I'm just relieved that my Winter blossomed into being first, as I couldn't stand the possibility of people thinking I plucked the name from the empty head of Nicole.

And, on that note, my sister also wanted to know if as I already have a Kate and a Winter in my family whether I was considering Harlow as the name for Harper? Again, no, but glory, her jest was too near the mark to be funny. Thankfully Nicole took the "-low" road and a crisis was averted.

And then, as if that wasn't bad enough, my sister-in-law tells me that a co-worker of hers asserted confidently on hearing Harper's name that we got it from a new character on Lost! Now, not that Harper was named after Harper Lee (or indeed any Harper), but I despair of a world in which the author of a classic of twentieth century literature is overlooked in favour of some recently arrived, incidental character on a throw-away TV serial.

UPDATE: Also falling in to the category of "Ignorance is Bliss", the Age SuperQuiz today featured the question, "In which year did Ray Martin win his third gold Logie?" Two points there I was quite happy to concede.

UPDATE 2: For those playing at home, it was 1994.

The More Things Stay the Same.

First day at my new job today. I'm back in the city, and so I caught the morning train in for the first time since late November last year. Train was delayed, of course, and while I received no notification from Connex, they did let me know that the train after mine would be running direct to Flinders St and not through the Loop as normal.

Aah, it's good to be back. Feels as though I haven't missed a day.

UPDATE: Text message #1 from Connex at 5:58am: "Signalling problems at Clifton Hill,ant delays of 40minutes on all services." Text message #2 from Connex at 6:15am: "Signalling problems at Clifton Hill now rectified,ant delays of 40minutes on Epping and Hurstbridge line services.. Connex, Keeping you updated."

Connex's Delay campaign has so stuck in my head that for a second there I thought an "ant delay" was a delay caused by ants. Giant Radioactive Killer Ants most likely! Sadly no.

Happily though, as my morning train pulled into Clifton Hill later that morning I discovered not only the absence of any giant ants, but also of any delays. Well, thanks Connex for "Keeping me updated". Is a resumption of normal services not something worth updating your customers on?

Honestly, that little postscript has irritated me from the day it first appeared about a year into the life of the (extended) delay notification system, and not just because that comma after 'Connex' should be a colon. Mostly it annoys me because it smacks of desperate wallpapering by the marketing department in the hope we won't notice the cracks underneath. Like a salesman who calls himself honest, a service that does keep you informed, shouldn't need to tell you it's keeping you informed. All this slogan does is highlight how the reality falls short of the promise.

UPDATE 2: And on that note, I just read the following quote:

The louder he talks of honour, the faster we count our spoons. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think the Connex version would read:

The louder they talk of updates, the faster I run for the early train.

Blood.

Rambo was a brutal tale of vicious cruelty and unspeakable horror, and yet I left the cinema smiling. Is there something wrong with me, the film, or both?

And in other movie news, [Warning: There Will Be Spoilers] I went to a lunch time session of There Will Be Blood today with Kate and a gaggle of senior citizens. And I've got to say, what it is with old people these days? They gripe and moan about the poor manners of today's youth, but whose mobile phone was that jangling away at the very key climactic moment of the film?! And who was that ANSWERING THE PHONE as a man was BLUDGEONED TO DEATH with a bowling pin? And who was that loudly REPEATING "Hello, hello?" down the line as he struggled to overcome the poor reception within the cinema? It wasn't me, I can tell you. And after several furious glares and a terse, "Seriously?!" finally got the old man to close his phone, I turned back to the screen to get one line of dialogue and the credits were rolling!

There Was Almost Blood.

Well, not really. I'm quite a non-confrontational person, but way to sabotage the emotional climax of the film. I'm always surprised when people answer their phones in cinemas. Especially when it's a member of the older generation who are supposed to be paragons of politeness. I guess for them it's just techno-fear most of the time though – the device controlling them instead of the other way around – and they actually would turn it off... if they could only work out how. Sigh.

Actually, speaking of irritations you'll see Only At The Movies, I've never understood the need for the torch-lit patrols an employee is seemingly required to walk at regular intervals throughout a session. Because it's not at all distracting, is it – someone walking around a darkened room waving a torch all over the place – and sometimes all it takes is one distracted glance away from the screen before you're scratching your head asking, "What was that about Rosebud?"

Are they checking for termites? Fires? Escaped convicts? Terrorists who've snuck to unleash hell on the 9:35 session of Love Actually? Or is it just to let us know that it may be dark, children, but don't even think about putting your feet on the seats or taking out any non-Candy Bar contraband you've smuggled in, because we will catch you and we will be crackin' skulls.

I'm sure it's some form of legal bottom-covering madness, but I can't for the life of me think what?

Actually, another bit of blood-related movieness just occurred to me: if you haven't already heard, Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street is a MUSICAL! I had absolutely no idea as I hate musicals and try to be as ill-informed regarding them as possible. All I heard was Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Alan Rickman, Helena Bonham Carter and that was all I needed to hear. If only I'd probed a little deeper I might have learned that the film was based on a musical, and that right from Scene One the characters would be swanning around singing most of their lines. Argh! Even Alan Rickman the magnificent! No Alan, please, NO! Don't do IT! ARGH! Thankfully Alan maintained his dignity by keeping his musical numbers to a minimum, but still.

It may not have been the horror film Tim Burton expected it to be, but oh yes, a HORROR IT WAS!

Resuming Your Regularish Transmission.

Jesus might have survived 40 days alone in the wilderness, and Noah 40 days adrift on the ocean, but I'd like to see either of them do 40 days with no Internet. I bet if Satan had turned up offering the kingdoms of the world and their splendor, plus a chance to check his email, Jesus would have folded in a second.

Yep, Internet's back on at home, and not a moment too soon. Blogging old school style with pen and paper was getting tiresome. Especially writing out the hyperlinks. Now, at last, things can get back to normal, and I can start receiving Zombie vs Ninjas/Which Vegetable Are You/Friday Drinks/Your Entourage/My Aquarium/Poke Pro/You're a Hottie/Hot Eligible Singles/Hotness Scale requests on Facebook again...

Hmm, maybe there's been a silver lining after all...

I'll transcribe and post 'em for your continuing edification as I get the chance. The dates won't be right, but then who but JJ checks the dates anyway?