Wintertime.

Now if you don't think this baby is the cutest baby ever, I will fight you. That's no lie. :-)

Priorities.

Just finished watching the interview with Tasmanian miners Todd Russell and Brant Webb. Best part was Todd's revelation that once he was out of the mine: 'Family comes first, roo shootin' comes second'. Gold. Where can I get the t-shirt?

Spooked.

(Here be Spooks spoilers). Allow me to set the scene.

London. Present day. MI5 are attempting to infiltrate a mosque where they believe acts of terrorism are being planned. They are eventually able to get an agent inside, who informs them that a young boy is being prepared to martyr himself. When the day of action arrives, the boy is readied in a warehouse before heading to the strike zone. MI5 learns of the boy’s location and agents race to stop him. The boy flees the warehouse and into the busy playground of a neighbouring kindergarten where he prepares to detonate his explosives.


In the nick of a time, an agent disturbs him and the boy flees through a fence to an empty basketball court where he is surrounded. Two agents approach and attempt to talk him down.


But negotiations fail, and he triggers his vest.


As body parts and other debris fly through the air, a blue banner zips suddenly onto screen!


As agents rush desperately towards their fallen friends, we’re delightfully informed that ‘3 Non-Blondes’ is up next!



Well, wacky do. I’ll be sure to stay tuned. Thanks for letting me know. I thought the Mother of All Watermarks was irritating, but this takes things to a whole new level. Spooks is often intense, and as the events of this episode reach their tragic climax - a split second after a young boy has killed himself and murdered an innocent man - the network saunters in and urinates over everyone. Way to go. Good work everyone.

Three-piece suits and plates on boots.

Chuck D, (rhyme animal, prophet of rage, middle-class rap superstar, personal teenage role-model and way better half of seminal hip-hop outfit Public Enemy) once observed that, “These days you can’t see who’s in cahoots, ‘cause now the KKK wears three-piece suits. It’s like that y’all, it’s like that y’all, in fact you know it’s like that y’all.” (That last sentence wasn’t really relevant, but once you’re on Chuck’s rhyme-train, it’s hard to get off.) He definitely had a point, but I believe times have changed, and that there’s mounting evidence to show the Klan aren’t keeping as low-profile as they once were. Just have a look at this car if you think I’m wrong.


Mere chance? I think not. Do you think anyone but a Grand Dragon of the KKK would be happy driving around with that number plate? And on a white car too! Now they’re just getting cocky! How long till they get the pointy, white dunce hoods back on and out into the street? I’m not sure what the ‘121’ part of the plate is meant to mean, but it’s bound to be sinister. Maybe it’s some sort of provocative ‘one-to-one’, mano-a-mano, glove-slapping throwdown to any non-whites passing on by? Chuck, I think we need you and your shovel back bringin’ tha noize now more than ever, you know what I’m sayin'?

Young Demons.

I walked past this poster for Australian Idol’s so-called ‘Young Divas’ today, and I double-took so hard I nearly walked into a phone booth.


A touch more 'demon' than 'diva', I think. If your stomach can handle it, click on the link and have a closer look. Is their manager the Joker? He turned beautiful women into foul-faced freaks in the first (proper) Batman movie. Maybe he's at it again? It took me a second to realise what must have occurred to transform these wondrous beauties into the hideous, demented, gargoylish, toxic monstrosities that they appeared as now. I know that poster-pasting people work to a tightly-packed schedule and that when you rush mistakes can happen, but I wonder if there was any mischievous intent to this apparent mistake? If not quite, “Hey, I’ve got an idea,” then maybe, “Ah bugger, look what I’ve done! Should I fix it…? Nah. Hehe.” So good. I couldn't have done a better job in Photoshop. :-)

Traffic jam and toast.

Well, Hilary Harper, traffic reporter for 774 ABC Melbourne, has finally fallen victim to the affliction that affects so many who pursue her chosen profession - if indeed ‘traffic reporter’ can be considered a profession? So bored by the repetitious nature of their task - heavy, medium, light, heavy, medium, light - they always end up diving into the depths of a thesaurus in a desperate attempt to discover new and novel ways to describe the morning’s traffic. Now, I love exploring the vast breadth of the English language, and I love learning new words, but not during a traffic report. I don’t want to be educated or entertained with $100 words and clever turns of phrase; I just want to know if my train has been cancelled. (They also report train cancellations).*

Back in the days when I used to ‘work’ in a workplace where the radio was bolted onto Triple M, I remember hearing a traffic reporter describe the Eastern Freeway as “doing the flip-flop” and I am still yet to work out what he meant. It doesn’t sound like the sort of thing that traffic should be doing, but I’m no clearer on what it’s actually doing. But back to Hilary who last week helpfully described a freeway as being “surly”. Ok, I get that it’s not good, but what exactly does a ‘surly’ freeway look like? Is it different to the one where the traffic is merely heavy? Because I know what heavy looks like. I have no idea with surly. Surly makes me think the freeway might have turned into a massive tar serpent that’s hissing belligerently at the heavy traffic on its back. And that's why I for one need 'boring' words like heavy, medium or light! :-)

She managed to top ‘surly’ though when a few days later she described the Monash as being “recalcitrant”! Recalcitrant? It’s a word I know, although not one I use, and after I looked it up I discovered that it means ‘obstinately uncooperative’, so… you know? Bit too cryptic for me at seven in the morning, but thanks all the same. I wish she’d just call a spade a spade, (or even a traffic jam a traffic jam), and stop trying to sparkle things up. She doesn’t work for Virgin Blue, and the traffic report doesn’t need to be a personality piece that I look forward to hearing each morning.

*Actually, truth be told, I don’t even need to know that as I get those SMS updates when my train’s affected, but the radio’s on while I’m pottering around, you see, so I get to hear the reports whether I want to or not. Look, let’s be honest, if it annoyed me that much I could leave the room when they came on or turn the radio off, but I don’t care that much; I just got annoyed when I heard the word ‘recalcitrant’. I probably shouldn’t have, and I probably shouldn’t have written this, but I did, so what’s a poor blogger to do? [Post]

Le Chef Domestic (tm).

Allow me to introduce the ‘Homemaker Professional’ series of knives. Domesticity is dead, and a new standard of cutting-edge excellence awaits the truly discerning homemaker.


I can’t decide if finding this combo incongruous makes me a patriarchal oppressor who's determined to deny the role of ‘homemaker’ the proper respect and recognition it deserves, or whether Homemaker are just tacking on the word ‘Professional’ in a desperate attempt to make their product seem more impressive than it actually is? I just can't decide. It’s not as ridiculous as China claiming to be the home of freedom, but it strikes me as a bit of a toss nonetheless.

Bin night.

Sure, it’s no Smiley Face in last night’s dishes, but a shadowy apparition of Osama bin Laden on your bathroom wall is astounding none the less.


Even more so when it leaps at you from the darkness as you stumble sleepy-eyed into the bathroom at 2am to wash your hands.

Unfortunately a profile shot of Osama is as hard to pin-down as the man himself, but here, compare for yourself, won’t you?


The nose is right, the lips are right, the moustache and beard are right, and it’s even got the requisite headwear! I’m getting goose bumps as I type! I’m not sure what this sinister phantom could portend, or whether Osama’s developing plans might somehow involve my bathroom, but he is full of surprises, and I am an infidel, so I guess I’d better stay on my toes.

Whistling in the dark.

Is it wrong to whistle on public transport? Or, more generally, in public? Because there was a man on the tram today who was whistling while reading his paper, and it annoyed me. But I wasn’t sure why; it was just my instinctive response. Maybe there was a bit too much Oliver Twist to it? Like at any second he’d tuck his thumbs into his suit’s lapels and prance down the aisle.

But no, he stayed in his seat, turned the page, and kept on whistling away. I like the idea of whistling; it seems so carefree and cheerful, and this man clearly wasn’t concerned with what anyone around him might have thought of his behavour.

He wasn’t whistling particularly well (and I’ve often been told that you only can do what you know how to do well, and that’s for you, be what you’re like, be like yourself, and so I’m having a wonderful time but I’d rather be whistling in the dark BOOM whistling in the dark BOOM whistli…)

Sorry, where was I?

Yes, he wasn’t whistling particularly well, so he wasn’t trying to impress anyone, he was just enjoying himself on his journey home from the office. I think it’s great when people are so comfortable with themselves that they can do whatever they want without worrying about those around them. I just hoped he understood I was acting in the same spirit when I punched him in the mouth. There are limits, you know?

Happy Star Wars (tm) Day (tm).

Happy Star Wars Day for 2006 everyone. May the Fourth Be With You. Kind of snuck up on me this year, and I haven't organised any classic trilogy watching enjoyment for the evening. Oh well, it's not like it'll be the last one. Tally ho.

Superduper image.

I wanted to post this image in response to a comment in a different thread, but you can’t post images into the Comments. But then I thought, why don’t I just give the image its own thread? Why does there need to be a reason for posting a picture of Batman giving Superduperman a facial? Isn’t just seeing Kal-el getting taken to the kal-eaners reason enough in and of itself? Of course it is. :-)

UPDATE: It turns out I just wasn't satisfied with only one image, so here's another good un that I've scanned from my copy of The Dark Knight Returns...

untitle

sorry haven't got time to write now im just headng off to beaconsfield, tasmania. I'm... not sure why... but all the news anchors and Naomi Robson andthe like are running their shows live from ther I'm... not sure why... so I think it must be important and theres a needfor me to be there too

UPDATE: (Wednesday) Well I'm back from Tasmania and I've got to say I'm... disillusioned? Disappointed? When I got down there I discovered that Naomi was just hanging around her broadcast area getting her make-up reapplied while drinking gin and tonics. She wasn't down the pit helping to dig the trapped miners out. Sting was down there, which was no surprise because everyone knows he's a good digger, although I don't know if the miners are actual fans of his or not, so it was good to see someone helping out and not just getting in the way. I don't know, I guess all the news anchors need to be there because... no, I still have no idea why they need to be there.

Repeating my main story: I'm back, although you've already read that, but I thought you might like to be told again. Still to come: why don't you just wait and see? Surprise yourself.